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Self-Awareness

Self-awareness is the ability to step outside yourself (so to speak); view yourself as a unique person distinct from your surrounding environment; and reflect on your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. According to sociologist George Herbert Mead (1934), self-awareness helps you to have a strong sense of your self because during interpersonal encounters you monitor your own behaviors and form impressions of who you are from such observations. For example, your best friend texts you that she has failed an important exam. You feel bad for her, so you immediately text her a sympathetic and comforting response. Your self-awareness of your compassion, coupled with your observation of your kindhearted message, lead you to think about yourself: "I'm a caring and supportive friend."

As we're watching and evaluating our own actions, we also engage in social comparison: observing and assigning meaning to others' behavior and then comparing it against ours. Social comparison has a particularly potent effect on self when we compare ourselves against people we admire and wish to emulate. When we compare favorably against respected others, we think well of ourselves ("I'm as hardworking and successful as the best employees in this company"). When we don't compare favorably, we think less of ourselves ("I wish I could be as open and outgoing as my friends").

You can greatly enhance your interpersonal communication by practicing a targeted kind of self-awareness known as critical self-reflection. To engage in critical self-reflection, ask yourself the following questions:

The ultimate goal of critical self-reflection is embodied in the last question: How can I improve? Improving your interpersonal communication is possible only when you accurately understand how your self drives your communication behavior. In the remainder of this chapter, and in the Self-Reflection exercises you'll find throughout this book, we help you make links between your self and your communication.