4.3.1 Emotional Intelligence

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Emotional Intelligence

Managing your emotions is part of emotional intelligence: the ability to interpret emotions accurately and to use this information to manage emotions, communicate them competently, and solve relationship problems (Gross & John, 2002). People with high degrees of emotional intelligence typically possess four skills:

  1. Acute understanding of their own emotions
  2. Ability to see things from other’s perspectives and have a sense of compassion regarding others’ emotional states—that is, empathy
  3. Aptitude for constructively managing their own emotions
  4. Capacity for harnessing their emotional states in ways that create competent decision making, communication, and relationship problem solving (Kotzé & Venter, 2011)

To check your own level of emotional intelligence, take the Self-Quiz “Assessing Your Emotional Intelligence” on page 124.

Given that emotional intelligence (EI) involves understanding emotions coupled with the ability to manage them in ways that optimize interpersonal competence, it’s not surprising that people with high EI experience a broad range of positive outcomes. For example, within leadership positions, people with high EI are more likely than low EI people to garner trust, inspire followers, and be perceived as having integrity (Kotzé & Venter, 2011). High EI individuals are less likely than low EI people to bully people, or use violence to get what they want (Mayer, Salovey, & Caruso, 2004). High EI people even find it easier to forgive relational partners who have wronged them, because of their strong empathy and skill at emotion management (Hodgson & Wertheim, 2007).

Of the skills comprising emotional intelligence, emotion management is arguably the most important one to improve, because—as demonstrated by Mischel’s research—it directly influences your communication choices and the outcomes that result (Lopes et al., 2005). How? Put bluntly, if you can’t manage your emotions, you can’t communicate competently. Emotion management involves attempts to influence which emotions you have, when you have them, and how you experience and express them (Gross et al., 2006). Emotions naturally trigger attempts to manage them. Consequently, the practical issue is not whether you will manage your emotions but how you can do so in ways that improve your interpersonal communication and relationships.