Printed Page 170

Narcissistic Listening

In Greek mythology, the beautiful nymph Echo falls in love with Narcissus immediately upon seeing him (Bulfinch, 1985). But when she approaches and moves to throw her arms around him, he recoils, telling her that he would rather die than be with her. Heartbroken, Echo flees to the mountains and plots her revenge. She casts a spell on Narcissus, making him fall in love with his own reflected image in a pool. Upon seeing the enchanted image, Narcissus can’t tear himself away. He abandons all thought of food and rest, and gazes, entranced, at himself—until he finally dies of starvation.

Like its namesake in Greek mythology, narcissistic listening is self-absorbed listening: the perpetrator ignores what others have to say and redirects the conversation to him- or herself and his or her own interests. People who engage in narcissistic listening provide positive feedback as long as they are the center of conversational attention, but the moment the topic switches to something other than them, they give negative feedback. In some cases, the negative feedback may be extreme—narcissistic listeners may pout, whine, or even throw tantrums when the conversation switches away from them and onto the other person (Bushman & Baumeister, 1998). To avoid narcissistic listening, allow the conversation to focus on topics other than you and your own interests and offer positive feedback when such topics are discussed.