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Managing Interactions

Nonverbal communication also helps us to manage interpersonal interactions. For example, during conversations, we use regulators, eye contact, touch, smiling, head nods, and posture shifts to signal who gets to speak and for how long (Patterson, 1988). While chatting with a friend, you probably look at him or her anywhere from 30 to 50 percent of your talk time. Then, when you’re approaching the end of your conversational turn, you invite your friend to talk by decreasing your pitch and loudness, stopping any gestures, and focusing your gaze on the other person. As your friend begins speaking, you now look at your partner almost 100 percent of his or her talk time, nodding your head to show you’re listening (Goodwin, 1981).

During conversations, we also read our partners’ nonverbal communication to check their level of interest in what we’re saying—watching for signals like eye contact, smiles, and head nods. Yet we’re usually unaware that we’re doing this until people behave in unexpected ways. For example, if a partner fails to react to something we’ve said that we consider provocative or funny, we may shoot them a glance or frown to express our displeasure nonverbally.

Nonverbal communication also helps us regulate others’ attention and behavior. For example, a sudden glance and stern facial expression from a parent or babysitter can stop a child from reaching for the forbidden cookie jar. In my sons’ school, the principal gains students’ attention by clapping loudly three times—Clap! Clap! Clap!—a pattern that students then repeat back to him, falling silent afterward to listen for an important announcement.