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Nonverbal Communication is Influenced By Gender

Try Googling “men and women’s body language,” and see what pops up.² You’ll receive millions of results. Most are self-help or advice sites that focus on how to tell whether men and women are romantically attracted to you. If you skim through these, you’ll see a theme about gender repeatedly expressed: women are better at nonverbal communication than men. For example, AskMen.com declares, “Women are MUCH better at reading body language than men!” Allstardatingtips.com claims that women are “up to twenty times better than men at reading body language cues.”

Although online content regarding interpersonal communication and relationships often is inaccurate and stereotypical (like the examples above), in the case of gender and nonverbal communication some posts on popular Web sites are derived from research. Psychologist Judith Hall has examined data from hundreds of gender studies (Hall, Carter, & Horgan, 2000). Her findings suggest four consistent patterns, the first of which matches common wisdom: women are better than men at both sending and receiving nonverbal messages (although there’s no evidence to suggest that they’re “twenty times” better!). Women surpass men at nonverbally communicating in ways receivers can correctly interpret, and women are more accurate than men in their interpretations of others’ nonverbal expressions.

Second, women show greater facial expressiveness than men, and they smile more. The difference in smiling stems in part from cultural expectations that women should exhibit only positive and pleasant nonverbal expressions (Spender, 1990). Third, women gaze more at others during interpersonal interactions. This is especially apparent within same-gender conversations, where mutual gaze occurs much more often between females than between males.

Finally, men are more territorial than women. Men maintain more physical space between themselves and others during encounters. Women tolerate more intrusion into their personal space, give way to others more frequently if space is scarce, and try to take up less space than do men. Women also adopt closer conversational distances during same-gender encounters than do men, prefer side-by-side seating more than men, and perceive crowded situations more favorably.

We often deduce more meaning from people’s nonverbal communication than from their verbal

You can use your knowledge of these differences to improve your nonverbal skills. When interacting with men, be aware that they may prefer greater conversational distance and a less direct gaze than women, and take pains to convey nonverbal messages as clearly as possible. During encounters with women, don’t be surprised if they adopt a closer conversational distance, and be sensitive to their likely preference for a more direct gaze and more frequent eye contact. Failing to recognize these differences may result in frustration or misunderstandings. For example, a friend of mine celebrated her first anniversary with her husband by returning to the spot where their wedding had occurred: underneath a large tree overlooking beautiful fields. She expected that they would sit down facing each other, open up their picnic basket, and gaze lovingly into each other’s eyes while eating and reviewing their first year of married life. Instead, he sat next to her and gazed off into the distance for a good part of the time. She felt that he was ignoring her and got angry. He later explained to her that he felt very intimate sitting next to her and looking out over the fields surrounding their wedding spot. She told me later that if she had known ahead of time that men often prefer less direct gaze, she might have interpreted the incident differently and experienced not only far less pain but possibly a greater feeling of intimacy by knowing that he felt intimate.