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Serial Arguments

Another conflict challenge we face in close relationships is serial arguments: a series of unresolved disputes, all having to do with the same issue (Bevan, Finan, & Kaminsky, 2008). Serial arguments typically stem from deep disagreements, such as differing relationship expectations or clashes in values and beliefs. By definition, serial arguments occur over time, and consist of cycles in which things “heat up” and then lapse back into a temporary state of truce (Malis & Roloff, 2006). During these “quiet” periods, individuals are likely to think about the conflict, attempt to repair the relationship, and cope with the stress resulting from the most recent fight (Malis & Roloff, 2006).

Serial arguments are most likely to occur in romantic and family involvements, where the frequency of interaction provides ample opportunity for repetitive disagreements (Bevan et al., 2008). They are also strongly predictive of relationship failure: couples who suffer serial arguments experience higher stress levels and are more likely to have their relationships end than those who don’t (Malis & Roloff, 2006).

Although many serial arguments involve heated verbal battles, others take the form of demand-withdraw patterns, in which one partner in a relationship demands that his or her goals be met, and the other partner responds by withdrawing from the encounter (Caughlin, 2002). Demand-withdraw patterns typically are triggered when a person is bothered by a repeated source of irritation, but doesn’t confront the issue until his or her anger can no longer be suppressed. At that point, the person explodes in a demanding fashion (Malis & Roloff, 2006).

If you find yourself in a close relationship in which a demand-withdraw pattern has emerged, discuss this situation with your partner. Using a collaborative approach, critically examine the forces that trigger the pattern, and work to generate solutions that will enable you to avoid the pattern in the future.