Infidelity Internationally
In Japan it’s called “going off the path” and in Israel it’s “eating to the side” (Druckerman, 2007). But regardless of differences in lingo, the suffering that ensues from sexual betrayal is similar around the globe.
Wall Street Journal reporter Pamela Druckerman interviewed people in 10 different countries, gauging their infidelity attitudes and behaviors. She discovered vast cultural differences, and some similarities. For example, in Japan, intricate rules of discretion guide how one cheats, whereas in Finland, people are more open in discussing and engaging in adultery. In Russia, Druckerman was struck by its sheer prevalence. One marital therapist told her, “Affairs should be obligatory, because they make for stronger marriages,” and an issue of Russian Cosmopolitan provided instructional tips to women for how to hide their betrayals from their partners.
Druckerman’s observations mirror scientific research. A study of nonmarital sex involving 24 nations and 33,000 respondents found that the top three countries in infidelity acceptance were Russia, Bulgaria, and the Czech Republic (Widmer, Treas, & Newcomb, 1998). What countries were the most infidelity intolerant? The Philippines, Ireland, and the United States.
Despite cultural differences, however, Druckerman notes at least three betrayal universals (as cited in Corner, 2007). First, across cultures, people who cheat prefer partners who also are seriously involved, making the risks “evenly shared.” Second, cheaters typically describe themselves as “not the cheating type.” Third, regardless of cultural attitudes or prevalence, sexual betrayal almost always causes intense emotional pain and relationship distress. When asked the lessons learned from herstudy, Druckerman described, “I still very much believe in monogamy as the ideal, but I have become morerealistic—or fatalistic—about it. I now think it could easily happen to me. And, if it does, I won’t automatically assume my relationship is over.”
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