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Jealousy

A second problem for romantic relationships is jealousy—a protective reaction to a perceived threat to a valued relationship (Hansen, 1985). Most scholars agree that jealousy isn’t a singular emotion but rather a combination of negative emotions—primarily anger, fear, and sadness (Guerrero & Andersen, 1998).

Jealousy especially plagues users of online social networking sites like Facebook. Such sites open the possibility for people other than your romantic partner to post provocative photos, write enticing posts on your wall, and send alluring messages—all of which can trigger your partner’s jealousy. Imagine how you’d feel if you saw such communication on your partner’s page. Studies of Facebook have found that jealousy is one of the most frequent problems reported by users (Morrison, Lee, Wiedmaier, & Dibble, 2008). Jealousy can intensify even further if site users engage in what communication scholar Kelly Morrison calls wedging. Through wedging, a person deliberately uses messages, photos, and posts to try and “wedge” him- or herself between partners in a romantic couple because he or she is interested in one of the partners (Morrison et al., 2008).

The most effective way to deal with jealousy is self-reliance: allowing yourself to feel jealous but not letting whatever sparked your jealousy to interrupt you. You should continue your current activities and give yourself time to cool off (Salovey & Rodin, 1988). Avoid communicating with your partner until you’re able to do so in a cooperative and constructive fashion. When you are ready to talk, don’t be afraid to candidly acknowledge your own jealousy, and discuss your perception of threat with your partner: “I saw that post from your old girlfriend, and I’m worried that she wants to get back together with you. Am I reading too much into this, or should I really feel threatened?”