| Situation | Competitive Approach | Collaborative Approach |
|---|
| Roommate hasn't been doing his or her share of the housework. | “I'm sick and tired of you never doing anything around here! From now on, you are doing all the chores!” | “We've both been really busy, but I'm concerned that things are not getting done. Let's make a list of all the chores and figure out how to fairly dividethem up.” |
| Coworker is draining large blocks of your work time by socializing with you. | “It's obvious that you don't care about your job or whether you get fired. But I need this job, so stop bugging me all the time and let me get my work done!” | “I enjoy spending time with you, but I'm finding I don't have enough time left to get my work done. Let's figure out how we can better balance hanging out and working.” |
| Romantic partner wants you to abandon a beloved pastime because it seems too dangerous. | “I've been racing dirt bikes long before I met you, and there's no way I'm giving them up. If you really loved me, you'd accept that instead of pestering me to quit!” | “Sorry my racing worries you; I know the reason you're concerned is because you care about me. Let's talk about what we can both do so I don't worry you so much.” |