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He is arguably the best-known listener in the world. If you see a jolly older man with a long white beard, all dressed in red, his name immediately leaps to mind. Each holiday season, millions of children around the world line up and wait for the opportunity to share their thoughts, feelings, and material desires with him. And they all count on Santa to do one thing at that special moment: listen.

Santa Claus is actually a synthesis of several historical figures. His name derives from the Dutch pronunciation (“Sinterklass”) of Saint Nicholas, a fourth-century Christian bishop with a reputation for generous gift-giving. His “flying through the sky” comes from the Norse god Odin, who rode storms astride his eight-legged horse—the precursor to Santa’s eight reindeer. His look stems largely from Father Christmas, who has welcomed in the British holiday season with festivities for hundreds of years. But how did Santa come to be such a good listener?

The practice of Santa listening to children can be credited in part to James Edgar, a Scottish immigrant who owned a dry goods store in the late 1800s. As Edgar himself noted, “I have never been able to understand why the great gentleman lives so far away . . . only able to see the children one day a year. He should live closer to them.” To resolve this, Edgar, in 1890, donned a custom-made red suit and began interacting with children in his store each winter.

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Soon the practice spread nationwide, and with it, the need for formally training such Santas. The central communication facet of this training is active listening. As Jennifer Andrews, who currently serves as Santa’s Lead Elf and Dean of Victor Nevada’s Santa School in Alberta, Canada, describes, “I always teach the Santae (plural of Santa) to recognize their vital role as a listener. Santa is an icon, and one of his main roles is to listen to kids; big and little alike. Santa’s ability to listen gives children a safe outlet to confide in, make requests of, and tell him things that frighten them.”

Of course, Santa doesn’t just sit passively; he actively provides feedback as well. As Andrews details, “Parents put a lot of stock in Santa and how he will weigh in on their children’s behavior. Santa is known for asking the children if they have been naughty or nice and then listens for their answers. Regardless of the answer, he will often give a brief counsel; encouraging them to always try harder and then waits and again listens, this time for their wishes.”

At the same time, Santa can’t grant every wish that is heard. Andrews notes, “Santa is a safe zone for kids, and while children do make material requests of Santa, they also make more heart-wrenching requests as well: to have a mom or dad come home or find employment; or have a loved one find good health again. I train the Santae to be active listeners, but never to make promises. One of Santa’s best responses is to say, ‘Santa will do his best’ or, for the more difficult situations, ‘Santa can do many things but not all things; some things are out of Santa’s reach, too.’ That being said, Santa’s job is to truly, actively, and empathically listen; and a visit with him—when you think of it—it is very much akin to a child coming home.”

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We’ve all had that experience, whether it was with a parent, a pastor, a priest, a rabbi, or a close friend—that moment when another human being listened to us so attentively and compassionately that we felt liberated to bare our souls. Active listening does indeed create a safe zone within which we can share our innermost thoughts and feelings with others, an experience akin to coming home. And when we embrace the potential power of active listening for ourselves—taking the time to truly listen to other people—we transcend our own thoughts, ideas, and beliefs, and begin to directly experience their words and worlds (McNaughton, Hamlin, McCarthy, Head-Reeves, & Schreiner, 2007). By focusing our attention, tailoring our listening to the situation, and letting others know we understand them, we move beyond the personal and create the interpersonal. The result is improved relationships (Bunkers, 2010).

In this chapter, we discuss how to build your active listening skills. You’ll learn: