Brother: I know you're probably mad at me. I know I was rude. I know you went to a lot of trouble to come out here and see me, and you didn't expect or deserve to get the door slammed in your face. But I just can't see you right now. Seeing you or even thinking about you brings up a lot of feelings but I'm not ready to deal with.

Everyone's pressing me to get over Nana's death and to move on with my life, but what you need to realize is that my experience of Nana's death is completely different from yours. Take you two, for example. You weren't even that close! Yeah, I know. You saw each other every year at the Fourth of July picnic, but that's miles apart from my experience.

What you forget is that when you were little, Mom stayed home to take care of you. But when I was little, Mom was in school, remember? Nana took care of me and raised me. Nana was my mom.

I didn't even get to say goodbye. You were all at the hospital with her when she passed. But I was here at school, completely clueless. Do you have any idea how it feels to be told one day, "don't worry," and then the next day she's dead? To have the most important person in your life taken from you like that? I know you only told me what the doctors told you. I know it's stupid and irrational, but I'm angry with you! I blame you!

I'm even more angry with myself, though. I should've trusted my gut and come right out when she first got sick. Everyone needs to leave me alone. You know I'm not going to do anything stupid, and I just need some time to work through this. But pressing me to communicate isn't going to help me get there! You need to leave me alone. Give me some space, and let me work through this.