Chapter 1. Dealing with Difficult Truths

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Dealing with Difficult Truths

Activity Objective:

In this activity, you will create your own solution to a difficult relationship problem. You will walk step-by-step through a realistic scenario—critically self-reflecting, considering another person’s perspective, determining best outcomes, and identifying potential roadblocks—and make decisions about how to react.

Cooperative verbal communicators strive to use appropriate, informative, honest, relevant, and clear language. But in many difficult and complicated relationship situations, deception becomes a tempting alternative. To understand how you might competently manage such a relationship challenge, read the case study in Part 2; then, drawing on all you know about interpersonal communication, work through the problem-solving model in Part 3.

Since her early youth, your cousin Britney has always gotten her way. Whenever she wanted something, she would throw a tantrum, and your aunt and uncle would give in. Now she’s an adult version of the same child: spoiled and manipulative. Thankfully, you see Britney only during the holidays, and she usually ignores you.

Recently, Britney has had troubles. She dropped out of college and lost her license after totaling the new car her parents bought her. Her drug abuse worsened to the point where her folks forced her into rehab. Despite your dislike of her, you felt sorry for her because you’ve struggled with your own substance abuse challenges. Now she has apparently recovered and reenrolled in school.

At Thanksgiving, Britney greets you with a big hug and a smile. “How’s my favorite cousin?” she gushes. As she talks, your surprise turns to suspicion. She’s acting too friendly, and you think she may be high. Sure enough, when the two of you are alone, she pulls out a bag of Vicodin tablets. “Do you want some?” she offers, and, when you refuse, says, “Oh, that’s right—you’re in recovery,” in a mocking tone. When you ask about rehab, she laughs, “It may have been right for you, but I did it just to shut my parents up.” Afterward, you corner your folks and disclose what happened. They counsel silence. If you tell Britney’s parents, Britney will lie; everyone in the family will have to take sides, and it will ruin the holiday.

Over dinner, your aunt and uncle praise Britney’s recovery. Your aunt then announces that she is rewarding Britney by buying her another car. Your blood boils. Although your aunt and uncle are well intentioned, Britney is deceiving and exploiting them! Noticing your sullen expression, your uncle says, “I’m not sure what’s bothering you, but I think it might be envy. Not everyone has Britney’s strength of character in dealing with adversity. You could learn a lot from her, don’t you think?” Seething in anger, you say nothing, and the conversation moves on. Later, Britney corners you and says, “Thanks for covering for me earlier. But my parents noticed that you were acting weird, and they think something is up. I think they might try to ask you about it. If they do, you won’t rat me out, will you?”

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Think about all you’ve learned thus far about interpersonal communication. Then work through the following five steps. Remember, there are no “right” answers, so think hard about what is the best choice!

Question

Watch this video in which Britney tells her side of the case study story. As in many real-life situations, this is information to which you did not have access when you were initially crafting your response in Part 3. The video reminds us that even when we do our best to offer competent responses, there always is another side to the story that we need to consider.

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Think about the new information offered in Britney’s side of the story and all you’ve learned about interpersonal communication. Drawing upon this knowledge, revisit your earlier responses in Part 3 and assess your own interpersonal communication competence.

Question

Step 2: Evaluate Effectiveness

Being an effective interpersonal communicator means using your communication to accomplish self-presentational, instrumental, and relational goals. How effective was your response in dealing with the situation, helping to sustain and improve your relationship with Britney, and presenting yourself as a good cousin? Rate your effectiveness on a scale of 1 to 7, where “1” is least effective and “7” is most effective.

Step 3: Evaluate Ethics

Being an ethical communicator means treating others with respect, honesty, and kindness. Given this, how ethical was your response to Britney? Rate your ethics on a scale of 1 to 7, where “1” is least ethical and “7” is most ethical.

Step 4: What Would You Do Differently?