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Recall the most recent, serious conflict you’ve had with another person. Reflect on the thoughts you had during the conflict. Then select “Yes” for each statement that fairly represents a thought you had while the conflict was actually happening. Select “No” for each statement that does NOT represent a thought you had while the conflict was happening.
Please note that your score for this activity will not be recorded unless your instructor has assigned the activity.
This Self-Quiz is adapted from Table 1 of Sillars et al. (2000, p. 488).
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This isn’t all my fault. |
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All my partner cares about is him- or herself. |
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My partner just wants to blow the whole thing off and not talk about it anymore. |
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My partner keeps cutting me off, just like usual. |
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I’m giving in to what my partner wants, like I always do. |
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All my partner seems to want to do is verbally attack me, instead of treating me like a human being. |
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I’m just trying to get my point across. |
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All I’m doing is trying to please my partner. |
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My partner is just making a lot of excuses about her or his behavior. |
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I’m being cooperative, but my partner is being a jerk. |
Total Number of “Yes” answers:
0–3: You have few self-enhancing thoughts. The lack of partner-blame and self-praise likely helped you make better communication decisions and collaborate with your partner in solving the conflict.
4–6: You have a moderate number of self-enhancing thoughts. How you thought about your partner and yourself likely impeded you from approaching the conflict in a collaborative fashion.
7–10: You have frequent self-enhancing thoughts. By exclusively blaming your partner while holding yourself faultless, you likely behaved in ways that escalated the conflict.
NOTE: If your number of “Yes” answers is in the “moderate” (4–6) or “frequent” (7–10) range, carefully review the suggested steps for critical self-reflection described in the text section “Self-Enhancing Thoughts.” This will help you better empathize and take others’ perspectives during disputes.