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Recall the most recent, serious conflict you’ve had with another person. Reflect on the thoughts you had during the conflict. Then select “Yes” for each statement that fairly represents a thought you had while the conflict was actually happening. Select “No” for each statement that does NOT represent a thought you had while the conflict was happening.
Please note that your score for this activity will not be recorded unless your instructor has assigned the activity.
Note: This Self-Quiz uses information from Table 1 of Sillars et al. (2000, p. 488).
This isn’t all my fault.
All my partner cares about is him- or herself.
My partner just wants to blow the whole thing off and not talk about it anymore.
My partner keeps cutting me off, just like usual.
I’m giving in to what my partner wants, like I always do.
All my partner seems to want to do is verbally attack me, instead of treating me like a human being.
I’m just trying to get my point across.
All I’m doing is trying to please my partner.
My partner is just making a lot of excuses about her or his behavior.
I’m being cooperative, but my partner is being a jerk.
Total Number of “Yes” answers:
3 or fewer: You have few self-enhancing thoughts. The lack of partner-blame and self-praise likely helped you make better communication decisions and collaborate with your partner in solving the conflict.
4 to 6: You have a moderate number of self-enhancing thoughts. How you thought about your partner and yourself likely impeded you from approaching the conflict in a collaborative fashion.
7 to 10: You have frequent self-enhancing thoughts. By exclusively blaming your partner while holding yourself faultless, you likely behaved in ways that escalated the conflict.
NOTE: If your number of “Yes” answers is in the “moderate” (4 to 6) or “frequent” (7 to 10) range, carefully review the suggested steps for critical self-reflection described in the text section “Self-Enhancing Thoughts.” This will help you better empathize and take others’ perspectives during disputes.