(See “Critical Reading” in Chapter 1)

1

Over the past few years, I have learned a lot about bad roommates. Although I doubt that I have encountered all types, I certainly know more now than I did before. I’ll pass on to you some of what I have experienced, so you can try to avoid the following types of roommates — the romeos, the slugs, and the criminals.

2

The romeos are usually great guys and lots of fun, when they happen to be single — but they are usually not. They always seem to have girlfriends, who basically become nonpaying roommates. The women are mostly nice, but they change the apartment in big ways. First, we have to watch how we act. We can’t walk around half-dressed in the morning, for example. Also, we have to get used to sharing: The girlfriends spend hours at a time in the bathroom, doing their hair and putting on make-up. There are always more dishes in the sink when they are around, more food disappears, and even shampoo goes faster than normal. The romeos do not seem to understand that having semipermanent guests in the apartment really changes the way we live.

3

Another type, the slug, is even harder to live with than the romeo because the slugs are slobs. They never wash the dishes or put away food, they leave a trail of dirty clothes behind them, and they completely destroy the bathroom every time they use it. Slugs pretty much live in front of the television, so you will probably never have a chance to watch what you want. The slug is also sloppy about paying rent and bills. Although he usually has the money, he has to be reminded — no, hounded — before he will actually pay what he owes.

4

The worst type of roommate is the criminal, for obvious reasons. I’ve had only one of these, but one was more than enough. He was a nice guy for about two weeks — clean, not around too much, but good to have a beer with when he was there. One day, though, I came home after work to find that he was gone, along with everything valuable in the apartment — our laptops, iPods, some cash, a bunch of CDs, and my favorite leather jacket. Although we called the police, I know I will never get back anything he stole.

5

What I have learned from my experience is that, when I interview potential roommates, I should ask for at least two references, preferably from former roommates, so I can weed out the romeos, slugs, and criminals. That should keep my living situation sane — at least until I meet someone who seems great at first but turns out to fall into another, equally bad category. I’ll keep you posted.