Chapter 2. Tutorial: Writing an Expository Essay

Introduction

Tutorial: Writing an Expository Essay
Tutorial: Writing an Expository Essay
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You must read each slide, and complete any questions on the slide, in sequence.

Authors: Alfred Rosa & Paul Eschholz

Activity Objective: Jeffrey Olesky has been asked to write an essay using a suitable method of development. He has chosen to write about golf. Golf has been a part of Olesky's life since he was a youngster, so he figured he would have enough material for an essay.

Click the forward and backward arrows to navigate through the slides. You may also click the above "Outline" button to see an overview of all the slides in this activity.

Brainstorming

First, Jeffrey Olesky needed to focus on a specific topic within the broad subject area of golf. Having considered a number of aspects of the game—how it's played, its rise in popularity, the controversies over the exclusion of women and minorities from private clubs—he kept coming back to how much golf meant to him. Focusing on his love of golf, he established his tentative thesis: Golf has taught me a lot.

Now Olesky needs to develop a number of examples to support his thesis, so he is brainstorming for ideas, examples, and anecdotes—anything that came to mind to help him develop his essay. These are his notes.

Golf is my life—I can't imagine being who I am without it.

I love to be out on the course early in the morning.

It's been embarrassing and stressful sometimes.

There's so much to know and remember about the game, even before you try to hit the ball.

The story about what my father taught me—felt badly and needed to apologize. "You know better than that, Jeffrey."

Golf teaches life's lessons. Golf teaches you manners, to be respectful of others. Golf teaches you to abide by the rules.

Golf is an internal tool.

Question

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Brainstorming, Part 2

When he thought that he had gathered enough information, Jeffrey Olesky began to consider an organizational plan, a way to present his information in a logical manner. He realized that the character-building benefits of golf that he included in his brainstorming notes clustered around some key subtopics. He decided to do some clustering and drew circles that included his ideas about golf: the physical and mental demands of the game, the social values and morals it teaches, and the reflective benefits of golf. He then sorted out his related ideas and examples and added them, mapping their relationship in this diagram.

This clustering diagram is made up of a central idea in a circle, with ideas connected to the central idea with lines, and other ideas connected to those ideas. The central circle reads, Golf has taught me a lot. Connecting to the central idea are these secondary ideas and the ideas connected to them: Reflective benefits, connects to Early morning and Appreciative of nature. Physical demands does not have any additional idea connections. Social values and morals is connected to Rules and Story about my father. Mental demands is connected to Control emotions.

Question

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Outlining

Before beginning to write the first draft of his essay, Jeffrey Olesky thought it would be a good idea to list in an informal outline the major points he wanted to make. Here is his informal outline:

  1. Brief introductory paragraph announcing the topic
  2. An expansion of the introductory paragraph and the thesis statement: Golf has taught me a lot.
  3. A discussion of how, above all, golf teaches one to control one's emotions
  4. A discussion of how much one needs to know and remember to play golf well
  5. The social values that golf teaches
  6. A multiparagraph example illustrating a valuable lesson taught through golf
  7. Golf provides an opportunity to reflect
  8. Reflection, in turn, leads to a deeper appreciation of nature

With his outline before him, Olesky felt ready to try a rough draft of his essay. He wrote quickly, keeping his organizational plan in mind but striving to keep the writing going and get his thoughts down on paper. He knew that once he had a draft, he could determine how to improve it. Olesky wrote some fairly solid paragraphs, but he sensed that they were on different aspects of his topic and that the logical order of the points he was making was not quite right. He needed a stronger organizational plan, some way to present his information that was not random but rather showed a logical progression.

Reviewing his outline, Olesky sees that there is a natural progression from the physical lessons of the sport to the social and moral lessons to the psychological, emotional, and even spiritual benefits that one could derive. He decided therefore to move one of the items in his outline to a different place.

Question

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Outlining, Part 2

Jeffrey Olesky moved item 3 in his original organization and made it item 6 in the revision. Here is his reordered outline:

  1. Brief introductory paragraph announcing the topic
  2. An expansion of the introductory paragraph and the thesis statement: Golf has taught me a lot.
  3. A discussion of how much one needs to know and remember to play golf well
  4. The social values that golf teaches
  5. A multiparagraph example illustrating a valuable lesson taught through golf
  6. A discussion of how, above all, golf teaches one to control one's emotions
  7. Golf provides an opportunity to reflect
  8. Reflection, in turn, leads to a deeper appreciation of nature

Did you correctly guess which item Olesky moved?

Thesis Statement

Jeffrey Olesky was satisfied that his essay now had a natural and logical organization: it moved from matters of lesser to greater importance to him personally. However, he now needs to revise his thesis to suit the argument he has established. He wants his revised thesis to be focused and specific and to include the idea that the lessons and values golf has taught him could not have been learned as easily in other ways.

Question

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Thesis Statement, Part 2

Here is the revised thesis statement that Jeffrey Olesky ended up using:

In its simplicity, golf has taught me many lessons and values that other people have trouble learning elsewhere.

How similar is Olesky's thesis to the thesis that you wrote on the previous slide?

Editing

After revising the organization, Olesky was now ready to edit his essay and to correct those smaller but equally important errors in word choice, wordiness, punctuation, and mechanics. He had put aside these errors to make sure his essay had the appropriate content. Now he needed to make sure it was grammatically correct. Here are several sample paragraphs showing the editing Olesky did on his essay:

Ever since I was a little boy, no older than two or three, I have had a golf club in my hand. My mother has pictures of me AS A TODDLER (annotation: Addition for clarity) with my father on the putting green of the local golf course (annotation: Elimination of unessential information). With a cut-down putter, the shaft reduced in length so that it would fit me, I would spend hours trying to place the small white ball into the little round hole. I’m sure at first that I took to the game to be like my father: to act like him, play like him, and hit the ball like him (annotation: Change of period to colon to eliminate sentence fragment and introduce appositive phrase). However, it is not what I have learned about the mechanics of the golf swing or about the facts of the game that have caused golf to mean so much to me but rather the things golf has taught me about everyday life in general. In its (annotation: Correction of “it’s” with apostrophe to “its” with no apostrophe) simplicity, golf has taught me many lessons and values other people have trouble learning elsewhere. Golf is a good teacher because there are many variables and aspects to the game. You constantly have to think, analyze, and evaluate your position or strategy (annotation: Elimination of wordiness). Unlike many sports that rely on committing action to muscle memory, golf requires a phenomenal amount of information to think about and keys to remember. Legs shoulder-width apart, knees flexed, fingers interlocked, body loose . . . and you haven’t even tried to hit the ball yet. But having to go about things so methodically in golf has enabled me to apply the skills of patience and analysis (annotation: Addition of specific information for clarity) to many other parts of my life. I don’t believe I would have nearly the same personality if golf had not played such an integral (annotation: Improved diction) role in my development.

Final Essay

In addition to editing his revised paper, Olesky reexamined his title, “Character Builder.” He considered a half dozen alternatives and finally settled on the use of “Golf” as a main title because it was such a key word for his topic and thesis; he used “A Character Builder” as his subtitle. He also thought about his conclusion, wondering whether it was forceful enough. After giving it considerable thought and seeking the advice of his classmates, Olesky decided to end with the low-key but meaningful final paragraphs he generated in his original draft. Here is the final version of his essay:

Final Essay. Jeffrey Olesky. Text structure. Title: suggests what the essay will be about. Title. Golf: A Character Builder. Text structure. Beginning: effective opening paragraph sets the context for the essay. Golf is what I love. It is what I do, and it is who I am. In many respects, it has defined and shaped my character and personality. I couldn't possibly imagine my life without golf and what it has meant for me. Ever since I was a little boy, no older than two or three, I have had a golf club in my hand. My mother has pictures of me as a toddler with my father on the putting green of the local golf course. With a cut-down putter, the shaft reduced in length so that it would fit me, I would spend hours trying to place the small white ball into the little round hole. I'm sure at first that I took to the game to be like my father: to act like him, play like him, and hit the ball like him. However, it is not what I have learned about the mechanics of the golf swing or about the facts of the game that have caused golf to mean so much to me but rather the things golf has taught me about everyday life in general. Text structure. Thesis statement: sets clear expectation in the reader's mind. In its simplicity, golf has taught me many lessons and values other people have trouble learning elsewhere. Text structure. Transition: discussion moves to how the game influences personality. Golf requires lots of information, both physical and mental. Golf is a good teacher because there are many variables and aspects to the game. You constantly have to think, analyze, and evaluate your position and strategy. Unlike many sports that rely on committing actions to muscle memory, golf requires a phenomenal amount of information to think about and keys to remember: Legs shoulder-width apart, knees flexed, fingers interlocked, body loose… and you haven't even tried to hit the ball yet. But having to go about things so methodically in golf has enabled me to apply the skills of patience and analysis to many other parts of my life. I don't believe I would have nearly the same personality if golf had not played such an integral role in my development. Text structure. Golf teaches life lessons. Golf has also changed and shaped my personality by repeatedly reinforcing many of the lessons of life. You know the ones I'm referring to, the rules you learn in kindergarten: treat others as you would like to be treated; respect other people and their property… the list goes on. Golf may not blare them out as obviously as my kindergarten teacher did, but in its own subtle, respectful tone, golf has imbued me with many of the values and morals I have today. Simply by learning the rules of such a prestigious, honest, and respected game, you gradually learn the reasoning behind them and the ways that they relate to life. Text structure. Illustration: extended example in narrative of some lessons that golf teaches. A good example of such a life lesson comes from the first time my father ever took me out on an actual golf course. I had been waiting for this day for quite some time and was so excited when he finally gave me the chance. He had gone out to play with a few of his friends early one Saturday morning in one of the larger tournaments. I was caddying for my father. Although I was too young to actually carry his bag, I would clean his golf ball, rake the bunkers for him, and do the other minor tasks that caddies do. But the fact that I was actually out with the big boys, watching them play golf, was enough to make me happy. Besides, none of the other gentlemen my father was playing with seemed to mind that I was along for the ride. Text structure. Narrative example continues. The lesson I learned that day appears rather simple now. It came on the putting green of the second hole. My father had finished putting out, and I was holding the flagstick off to the side of the green while the other players finished. Generally, my father would come stand next to me and give me a hand, but due to circumstances we ended up on opposite sides of the green. During the next player's putt, my father lowered his eyebrows at me and nodded his head to one side a few times. Curious as to what he wanted me to do, I almost let the question slip out of my mouth. But I knew better. I had already learned the rules of not talking or moving while other golfers were hitting. I quietly stood my ground until everyone was finished and then placed the flagstick back in the hole. While walking toward the next tee box, I neared my father. Regardless of what he had wanted me to do, I thought he would commend me for not talking or moving during the ordeal. Text structure. Dialogue: shows rather than tells, and puts the reader in the scene. You know better than that, Jeffrey, he said. What? I asked curiously, disappointed that he had not praised me on a job well done. You never stand so that your shadow is in someone's line. How could I be so stupid? He had reminded me a thousand times before. You never allow your shadow to fall in the line of someone's putt because it is distracting to the person putting. I rationalized to my father that maybe the man hadn't noticed or that it didn't bother him. Unfortunately, my father wasn't going to take that as an excuse. After explaining to me what I had done wrong, he suggested that I go over and apologize to the gentleman. I was still a young boy, and the figure of the older man was somewhat intimidating. This task was no easy chore because I was obviously very scared, and this is perhaps what made the lesson sink in a little deeper. I remember slowly approaching my father’s friend and sheepishly looking back to my father for help. Once I realized I was on my own, I bashfully gave him my apologies and assured him that it wouldn't happen again. As you can probably guess, the repercussions were not as dramatic as I had envisioned them to be. Once my father had pointed out my mistake, I begged him to reconcile with the gentleman for me. However, in apologizing for myself, learned a valuable lesson. Golf is important because it has taught me many social values such as this, but it can also be a personal, internal tool. Text structure. Transition: golf can also be a personal, internal tool. Organization continues to move from concrete practical concerns to those that are more abstract. Golf has taught me how to deal with frustration and to control myself mentally in difficult and strenuous situations. Golf is about mastering your emotions in stressful times and prevailing with a methodical, calm mind. I have dealt with the disappointment of missing a two-foot putt on the last hole to break eighty and the embarrassment of shanking my drive off the first hole in front of dozens of people. In dealing with these circumstances and continuing with my game, I have learned how to control my emotions. Granted, golf is not the most physically strenuous sport, but it is the mental challenge of complete and utter concentration that makes it difficult. People who are not able to control their temper or to take command of their emotions generally do not end up playing this game for very long. Text structure. Organization: Olesky moves to more philosophic influences. Golf gives me the opportunity to be reflective —time to myself when I can debate and organize the thoughts in my head. There are few places where you can find the peace and tranquility like that of a golf course in the early morning or late afternoon. When I am playing by myself, which I make an effort to do when I need to get away, I am able to reflect and work out some of the difficulties I am facing. I can think in complete quietness, but at the same time I have something to do while I am thinking. There are few places in the world offering this type of sanctuary that are easily accessible. Text structure. Organization: Olesky discusses golf's ability to bring him close to nature. It is in these morning reflections that I also gain an appreciation of my surroundings. I often like to get up early on a Saturday or Sunday and be the first one on the course. There are many things I love about the scenery of a golf course during the morning hours. I love the smell of the freshly cut grass as the groundskeepers crisscross their patterns onto the fairways and greens. I love looking back on my progress toward the tee box on the first hole to witness my solitary foot tracks in the morning dew. I love the chirp of the yellow finches as they signal the break of dawn. All these conditions help to create the feeling of contentment as I walk down the first fairway. Text structure. Ending: a quiet but appropriate conclusion. Thinking back to those days on the putting green with my father, I realize how dear golf is to me. Golf has created my values, taught me my lessons, and been my outlet. I love the game for all these reasons.

Congratulations! You have helped Jeffrey Olesky through the writing process—and now you are more prepared to write your own essay.