Description in the Real World

Celia Hyde, Chief of Police

Report, Breaking and Entering Scene Response to Burglar Alarm, 17:00 Hours

After attending college, Celia Hyde entered the field of law enforcement. She is currently the chief of police in the town of Bolton, Massachusetts. In her job, Celia’s writing includes policies, reports, budgets, and statements from victims and criminals. In all her writing, Hyde needs to choose her words carefully to avoid any confusion and misunderstanding. Below is one example of the descriptive reports Celia writes every day.

The house at 123 Main Street is situated off the road with a long, narrow driveway and no visible neighbors. The dense fir trees along the drive block natural light, though it was almost dusk and getting dark. There was snow on the driveway from a recent storm. I observed one set of fresh tire marks entering the driveway and a set of footprints exiting it.

The homeowner, Mr. Smith, had been awakened by the sounds of smashing glass and the squeaking of the door as it opened. He felt a cold draft from the stairway and heard a soft shuffle of feet crossing the dining room. Smith descended the stairs to investigate and was met at the bottom by the intruder, who shoved him against the wall and ran out the front door.

While awaiting backup, I obtained a description of the intruder from Mr. Smith. The subject was a white male, approximately 25–30 years of age and 5'9"–5'11" in height. He had jet-black hair of medium length, and it was worn slicked back from his forehead. He wore a salt-and-pepper, closely shaved beard and had a birthmark on his neck the size of a dime. The subject was wearing a black nylon jacket with some logo on it in large white letters, a blue plaid shirt, and blue jeans.

  1. Question

    What is your main impression of the scene and of the intruder?

    What is your main impression of the scene and of the intruder?
  2. Question

    List the details that support the main impression.

    List the details that support the main impression.
  3. Question

    What senses do the details appeal to?

  4. Question

    How is the description organized?

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