Professional Classification Essay: Frances Cole Jones, “Don't Work in a Goat's Stomach”

Frances Cole Jones

Don’t Work in a Goat’s Stomach

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Cosimo Scianna

Frances Cole Jones, who holds a B.A. in English/creative writing from Connecticut College and an M.A. in liberal studies from New York University, is founder and president of Cole Media Management, a firm that focuses on improving clients’ communication skills. Jones has also published her own books: How to Wow: Proven Strategies for Presenting Your Ideas, Persuading Your Audience, and Perfecting Your Image (2008) and The Wow Factor: The 33 Things You Must (and Must Not) Do to Guarantee Your Edge in Today’s Business World (2010).

In the following excerpt from The Wow Factor, Jones discusses the types of workplace clutter that can get in the way of success on the job.

Vocabulary development

inevitably: always; regularly

hazmat: short for hazardous materials

hither and yon: from here to there

petri dish: a container used to grow bacteria

disproportionate: unusually large

cull: to reduce (in this case, cluttering items)

self-evident: clear; not needing an explanation

prone to: likely to do; inclined toward

communal: shared

ficus: fig

whimsical: cute

aforementioned: previously mentioned

undermine: weaken

paraphernalia: personal belongings

stowed: stored

pristine: clean

intermittent: regular

1

When I was working in the nine-to-five world, there was a gentleman down the hall whose office inevitably looked like it had been stirred up with a stick: a desk loaded with piles of paper, dirty cups, takeout containers, a Magic 8 Ball,1 and a keyboard that looked like you’d be better off wearing a hazmat suit when you touched it, more piles of papers on the desk, on the floor, on the chairs; shelving that was loaded with books, photos, and (bizarrely) pieces of sporting equipment, various items of clothing tossed hither and yon: jackets, sweaters, socks, shoes, hats…. One day, our boss walked by and said, “That office looks like the inside of a goat’s stomach.”

2

Not surprisingly, the occupant of the messy office wasn’t with the company much longer.

3

What I’ve learned since then is that my colleague had created a petri dish of the three kinds of recognized office clutter. As identified by psychologist Sam Gosling, they are “identity clutter”: photos of family, friends, pets, etc. that are designed to remind us we have a life outside the office; “thought and feeling regulators,” which are chosen to change our mood: squeezable stress balls, miniature Zen gardens,2 daily affirmation calendars;3 and “behavior residues” — old coffee cups, food wrappers, Post-its stuck to the keyboard, etc.

4

The trouble with having a disproportionate number of these items in and around your office is that it sends a message to those around you that you are out of control. As one of my CEO clients said to me after we’d walked past his junior report’s disastrously messy office on the way to his company’s conference room, “Doesn’t she realize I notice — and care?”

5

Now I’m not saying you can’t have a few personal items. And I am certainly not going to mandate, as one of my clients has done, what kinds of flowers you are allowed to receive. In that office, your loved ones can send you a white orchid. That’s it. But I am saying it’s important to choose carefully, cull frequently, and clean daily.

6

In an effort to help you decide what stays and what goes, I have put together two lists: Remove Immediately and Keep Selectively. Given its urgency, let’s first look at those items I’d prefer you remove immediately.

Remove Immediately:

  • Leftover food: food wrappers; dirty cups, plates, or silverware. While this may seem self-evident, I imagine that more than a few of you have found yourself at five o’clock speaking to your coworkers from amid a small forest of half-empty coffee cups. (And I am hoping there are at least one or two of you who — like me — are still drinking absentmindedly from your 8 a.m. coffee at 5 p.m., a practice I’m prone to if not carefully supervised, which always makes my assistant exclaim with disgust.) All of these must go — again, if you’re like me, for your own sake if no one else’s. When you do remove them, please don’t simply dump them in the sink of the shared kitchen down the hall. I know of one office that based its recent decision as to which of two equally qualified and experienced people was laid off on who was more prone to leaving their dirty dishes in the communal kitchen; deciding factors these days are, indeed, this small.
  • Dead flowers/plants. The roses your ex gave you last Valentine’s Day shouldn’t become a dried flower arrangement on the shelf. That shedding ficus tree will be much happier if given to a friend with a green thumb.
  • Stuffed animals/“whimsical” toys (such as the aforementioned Magic 8 Ball). While these can be helpful should your — or your boss’s — kids come to the office, day to day they have the potential to undermine others’ perceptions of the professionalism you bring to your work.

Keep Selectively:

  • Grooming products. Hairbrushes, toothbrushes/paste, shaving and nail paraphernalia can all be handy to have on hand. Please don’t, however, leave them in plain sight — or perform any personal maintenance in front of others.
  • Extra pairs of shoes/a shirt. Again, both are useful on days when you have an unexpectedly important meeting, or uncooperative weather. They should, however, be stowed out of others’ sight lines.
  • Photos of family/friends. While these are lovely reminders of your life outside the office and can be great conversation starters, please do make sure everyone in each photo is fully clothed and behaving appropriately….

7

All this said, I do know that an office has to be worked in — and that worrying about keeping it pristine can, ultimately, detract from focusing on what you need to accomplish. For this reason, it can help to set aside fifteen minutes at the middle and end of each day to clear your desk/chairs/floor of any accumulated clutter. A principle applied by airlines and luxury bus lines, these intermittent sweeps help keep things from piling up.

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