Children’s Emotional Development in the Family

It is clear that the dimensions of temperament related to emotional development are linked to heredity. Twin and adoption studies show that, compared with fraternal twins, identical twins are more similar in the intensity of their emotional reactions, shyness, and sociability, as well as in other aspects of temperament and personality. Furthermore, biological siblings tend to be more similar to one another in some aspects of temperament than do siblings who are not biologically related. On the basis of such studies, it is estimated that genes account for a substantial portion of the variation in some aspects of temperament (Saudino & Wang, 2012).

In addition, recent studies of specific genes have shown connections between an individual’s genes and aspects of temperament such as self-regulatory capacities and emotionality (Depue & Fu, 2012; Goldsmith, Pollak, & Davidson, 2008; Saudino & Wang, 2012). For example, genes related to the functioning of dopamine and other neurotransmitters that affect voluntary attentional processes (executive attention) appear to be especially relevant for self-regulation (Posner, Rothbart, & Sheese, 2007). The expression of these genes appears to be affected by environmental factors such as quality of parenting or stress. Sometimes genetic tendencies toward certain temperamental traits (and related behaviors) are most likely expressed when the environment is suboptimal—for example, when parenting is unsupportive or harsh (Bakermans-Kranenburg & van IJzendoorn, 2006; Kochanska, Philibert, & Barry, 2009; Sheese et al., 2007; H. J. Smith et al., 2012), and sometimes when the environment is optimal (Krueger et al., 2008; Pluess & Belsky, 2013).

Findings in behavioral genetics research also suggest that various environmental factors play an important role in shaping individual differences in temperament generally (Deater-Deckard, Petrill, & Thompson, 2007; Saudino & Wang, 2012). Chief among these factors are children’s relationships with their parents and their parents’ socialization practices.

Quality of the Child’s Relationships with Parents

The quality of a child’s relationship with his or her parents can affect the child’s emotional development in several ways. As is discussed fully in Chapter 11, the parent–child relationship seems to influence children’s sense of security and how they feel about themselves and other people (R. A. Thompson, 2006). In turn, these feelings affect children’s emotionality. For instance, children who are securely attached—that is, who have high-quality, trusting relationships with their parents—tend to show more positive emotion and less social anxiety and anger than do children who are insecurely attached—that is, whose relationships with their parents are low in trust and support (e.g., Bohlin, Hagekull, & Rydell, 2000; Borelli et al., 2010; Kochanska, 2001). Securely attached children also tend to be more open and honest in their expression of emotion (Becker-Stoll, Delius, & Scheitenberger, 2001; Zimmerman et al., 2001) as well as more advanced in their understanding of emotion (Steele, Steele, & Croft, 2008), perhaps because their parents are more likely to discuss feelings and other mental states with them (McElwain, Booth-LaForce, & Wu, 2011; McQuaid et al., 2007; Raikes & Thompson, 2006). This enhanced understanding of emotion is likely to help these children recognize when and how to regulate their emotion.

Parental Socialization of Children’s Emotional Responding

In addition to being affected by the overall parent–child relationship, children’s emotional development is influenced by parents’ socialization of their children—that is, their direct and indirect influence on their children’s standards, values, and ways of thinking and feeling. Parents socialize their children’s emotional development through (1) their expression of emotion with their children and other people, (2) their reactions to their children’s expression of emotion, and (3) the discussions they have with their children about emotion and emotional regulation. These avenues of socialization, which are often interrelated, can affect not only children’s emotional development but also their social competence (J. K. Baker, Fenning, & Crnic, 2011).

Parents’ Expression of Emotion

How parents express their own emotions can have a powerful socializing effect on their children in several ways. To begin with, the emotions expressed in the home may influence children’s views about themselves and others in their social world (Dunsmore & Halberstadt, 1997). For example, children exposed to a lot of anger and hostility may come to view themselves as individuals who anger people and may eventually believe that most people are hostile. In addition, parents’ expression of emotion provides children with a model of when and how to express emotion (Denham, Zoller, & Couchoud, 1994; Dunn & Brown, 1994). This modeling also may affect children’s understanding of what types of emotional expressions are appropriate and effective in interpersonal relations (Halberstadt et al., 1995; Morris et al., 2007). In families in which parents tend not to express emotions, children may get the message that emotions are basically bad and should be avoided or inhibited (Gottman et al., 1997). Finally, the parental emotions to which children are exposed may affect their general level of distress and arousal in social interactions, in turn affecting their ability to process important information about the interactions (e.g., others’ verbal and nonverbal cues) that would help them moderate their behavior (N. Eisenberg, Cumberland, & Spinrad, 1998; M. L. Hoffman, 2000).

Children who are exposed to relatively high levels of positive emotion in the family tend to express more positive emotion and are more socially skilled and better adjusted than children who are exposed to high levels of negative emotion.

PHOTODISC/THINKS TOCK GETTY IMAGES

Whatever the underlying reason, it is clear that the consistent and open expression of positive or negative emotion in the home is associated with specific outcomes for children. In a review of a considerable number of studies, Halberstadt and colleagues found that when positive emotion is prevalent in the home, children tend to express positive emotion themselves. They are socially skilled, well adjusted, low in aggression, able to understand others’ emotions (at least in childhood), and tend to have high self-esteem (Halberstadt, Crisp, & Eaton, 1999; see also Barry & Kochanska, 2010; Brophy-Herb et al., 2011; McCoy & Raver, 2011).

In contrast, when negative emotion is prevalent in the home, especially intense and hostile emotion, children tend to exhibit low levels of social competence and to experience and express negative emotion themselves, including depression and anxiety (Crockenberg & Langrock, 2001; N. Eisenberg et al., 2001; Raval & Martini, 2011; Stocker et al., 2007). Even when the conflict and anger in the home involve the adults rather than the children directly, there is an increased likelihood that the children will develop anger, behavior problems, and deficits in social competence and self-regulation (Grych & Fincham, 1997; Kouros, Cummings, & Davies, 2010; Rhoades, 2008; Rhoades et al., 2011). These outcomes are also more likely when children are exposed to high levels of parental depression (Blandon et al., 2008; Cicchetti & Toth, 2006; Downey & Coyne, 1990).

Of course, parental expression of emotion is not always causally related to positive or negative outcomes in children: children themselves undoubtedly influence the expression of emotion in the home. For example, children who have difficult temperaments or are unmanageable are likely to evoke negative emotion from their parents (N. Eisenberg et al., 2008; K. J. Kim et al., 2001). Moreover, genetic factors may contribute to some of the associations between parental emotion and children’s emotions or behavior (Burt et al., 2005; Reiss, 2010; Rhoades et al., 2011). That is, because of heredity, both parent and child may be prone to anger and impulsive behavior, which affects the quality of both parenting and children’s socioemotional competence. Thus, both heredity and the kinds of emotions children see and experience in the home undoubtedly play roles in children’s emotional and social development.

Parents’ Reactions to Children’s Emotions

Parents’ reactions to their children’s negative emotions also seem to affect children’s emotional expressivity, as well as their social competence and adjustment. Consider, for example, the different parental messages conveyed in the following two instances:

Parents who, like Scott’s, dismiss or criticize their children’s expressions of sadness and anxiety communicate to their children that their feelings are not valid. Parents send similar messages when they react to their children’s anger with threats, belligerence, or dismissive comments. In turn, their children are likely to be less emotionally and socially competent than are children whose parents are emotionally supportive. They tend, for example, to be lower in sympathy for others, less skilled at coping with stress, and more prone to negative emotions and problem behaviors such as aggression (N. Eisenberg, Fabes, & Murphy, 1996; Engle & McElwain, 2010; Luebbe, Kiel, & Buss, 2011; Lunkenheimer, Shields, & Cortina, 2007; J. Snyder, Stoolmiller et al., 2003).

In contrast, parents who are supportive when their children are upset help their children to regulate their emotional arousal and to find ways to express their emotions constructively. In turn, their children tend to be better adjusted and more competent both with peers and academically (Gottman, Katz, & Hooven, 1997; Klimes-Dougan et al., 2007; Raval & Martini, 2011). Parents’ supportive reactions to their young children’s emotional upsets may be especially helpful in reducing problem behaviors for those children who have difficulty regulating their physiological responses to challenges (see Box 10.2; Hastings & De, 2008).

Parents’ Discussion of Emotion

As you will shortly see, children’s emotional understanding is a key part of their emotional development and self-regulation. Family conversations about emotion are therefore an important aspect of children’s emotional socialization. Parents who discuss emotions with their children teach them about the meanings of emotions, the circumstances in which they should and should not be expressed, and the consequences of expressing or not expressing them (N. Eisenberg et al., 1998; LaBounty et al., 2008; R. A. Thompson, 2006). An additional help in emotional socialization is emotion coaching, in which parents not only discuss emotions with their children but also help them learn ways of coping with their emotions and expressing them appropriately (Gottman et al., 1997; Power, 2004). Children who receive these types of guidance tend to display better emotional understanding than children who do not.

A longitudinal study by Judy Dunn and her colleagues found, for example, that the degree to which children are exposed to, and participate in, discussions of emotions with family members at ages 2 and 3 predicts their understanding of others’ emotions until at least age 6 (J. R. Brown & Dunn, 1996; Dunn, Brown, & Beardsall, 1991; Dunn, Brown et al., 1991). In two similar studies, mothers’ references to their children’s desires at 15 months of age predicted their children’s understanding of emotions and use of emotion language at 24 months. In fact, mothers’ verbal references to others’ thoughts and knowledge when describing a series of pictures to their children at 24 months of age predicted children’s use of emotion language and understanding of emotion at 33 months of age (Taumoepeau & Ruffman, 2006, 2008). Indeed, in these same two studies, as well as in another (Ensor & Hughes, 2008), mothers’ references to others’ mental states predicted children’s emotion understanding better than did mothers’ references to emotions themselves, perhaps because references to mental states help children understand the thoughts that accompany and motivate emotional states.

Researchers have also found that children whose parents use emotion coaching are more socially competent with peers, more empathic, and less likely to exhibit problem behaviors or depression than are children who do not receive such guidance (Brophy-Herb et al., 2011; Katz, Maliken, & Stettler, 2012; Stocker et al., 2007). Of course, children’s own characteristics—such as their ability to sustain attention and their initial understanding of emotions—may affect the degree to which adults talk about emotion with them. For instance, in one study, parents engaged in more conversations about emotional past events with their 5- and 6-year-olds if the children were relatively well regulated and if their expression of negative emotion was consistent with what their parents expected from a child of their age (Bird, Reese, & Tripp, 2006).