Chapter 1. Something to Consider

Introduction

Chapter 10

In your book’s chapter on conducting an adult life, you learned how attachment theory relates to romantic relationships. Cindy Hazan and Phillip Shaver (1987) expanded on Mary Ainsworth’s dimensions of infant attachment in order to classify people into different adult attachment styles. You should have noticed that there is a substantial amount of similarity between the infant attachment styles and those of adults, with adults being either securely attached or falling into the preoccupied/ambivalent or the avoidant/dismissive forms of insecure attachment. Research on adult attachment styles have repeatedly demonstrated that those who are securely attached have better romantic relationships (Barry & Lawrence, 2013; Feeney, 1999; Hadden, Smith, & Webster, 2014; Mikulincer et al., 2002; Morgan & Shaver, 1999; Russell, Baker, & McNulty, 2013). In addition to attachment styles, you also learned other factors that promote relationship happiness, such as homogamy and believing that your partner has a wonderful personality (Belsky, 1999; Furler, Gomez, & Grob, 2013; 2014). Also, relationships tend to be happier when one partner is more dominant and the other more submissive and when partners believe that their significant other embodies their best self (Markey & Markey, 2007; Rusbult et al., 2009). In this activity you will find out how all of this information regarding romantic relationships can help you.

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1.1 Assessment

Assessment

1.2 Things to Consider

Things to Consider

With a general idea of aspects of your relationship to explore, here are some rules of thumb to consider when it comes to choosing a romantic partner. Select someone who is similar to you in values and interests, but don’t necessarily search for a partner with your exact personality traits. Try to find someone who you respect as an individual, a person whose qualities embody the “self” you want to be. But it is also best if you each differ on the need to take charge. Focus on the outstanding special qualities of your partner and look for someone who is securely attached and secure as a human being. It is also a good sign if your relationship progresses fairly smoothly, but expect some bumps along the way. You should also consider the research on relationship turning points that are discussed in your textbook. If things don’t work out, it easily may have nothing to do with you, your partner, or any problem basic to how well you get along! Sometimes, relationships just aren’t meant to be.

1.3 References

References

Barry, R. A., & Lawrence, E. (2013). “Don’t stand so close to me”: An attachment perspective of disengagement and avoidance in marriage. Journal of Family Psychology, 27(3), 484–494.

Belsky, J. K. (1999). The psychology of aging: Theory, research, and interventions (3rd ed.). Pacific Grove, CA: Brooks/Cole.

Feeney, J. A. (1999). Adult romantic attachment and couple relationships. In J. Cassidy & P. R. Shaver (Eds.), Handbook of attachment: Theory, research, and clinical applications (pp. 355–377). New York: Guilford Press.

Furler, K., Gomez, V., & Grob, A. (2013). Personality similarity and life satisfaction in couples. Journal of Research in Personality, 47(4), 369–375.

Furler, K., Gomez, V., & Grob, A. (2014). Personality perceptions and relationship satisfaction in couples. Journal of Research in Personality, 50, 33–41.

Hadden, B. W., Smith, C. V., & Webster, G. D. (2014). Relationship duration moderates associations between attachment and relationship quality: Metaanalytic support for the temporal adult romantic attachment model. Personality and Social Psychology Review, 18(1), 42–58.

Hazan, C., & Shaver, P. (1987). Romantic love conceptualized as an attachment process. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 52, 511–524.

Markey, P. M., & Markey, C. N. (2007). Romantic ideals, romantic obtainment, and relationship experiences: The complementarity of interpersonal traits among romantic partners. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 24(4), 517–533.

Mikulincer, M., Florian, V., Cowan, P. A., & Cowan, C. P. (2002). Attachment security in couple relationships: A systemic model and its implications for family dynamics. Family Process, 41, 405–434.

Morgan, H. J., & Shaver, P. R. (1999). Attachment processes and commitment to romantic relationships. In J. M. Adams & W. H. Jones (Eds.), Handbook of interpersonal commitment and relationship stability (pp. 109–124). Dordrecht, Netherlands: Kluwer Academic.

Rusbult, C. E., Kumashiro, M., Kubacka, K. E., & Finkel, E. J. (2009). “The part of me that you bring out”: Ideal similarity and the Michelangelo phenomenon. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 96, 61–82.

Russell, V. M., Baker, L. R., & McNulty, J. K. (2013). Attachment insecurity and infidelity in marriage: Do studies of dating relationships really inform us about marriage?. Journal of Family Psychology, 27(2), 242–251.