In this section, we look at the writing process that Jean Brandt followed in composing her essay, “Calling Home.” You will see the writing that became her first draft, and you can compare her first draft with the final draft that appears on pp. 14–17.
Brandt started out by drafting dialogue and exploring her past and present perspectives. This writing took up about nine pages, but it only required about two hours spread over four days for her to produce it. She began by choosing an event, reimagining the place with specific sensory details, and recalling the other people involved.
Creating a Dialogue
She also wrote two dialogues, one with her sister, Sue, and the other with her father. Following is the dialogue between her and her sister:
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SUE: |
Jean, why did you do it? |
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ME: |
I don’t know. I guess I didn’t want to wait in that long line. Sue, what am I going to tell Mom and Dad? |
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SUE: |
Printed Page 52
Don’t worry about that yet, the detective might not really call the police. |
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ME: |
I can’t believe I was stupid enough to take it. |
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SUE: |
I know. I’ve been there before. Now when he comes back, try crying and acting like you’re really upset. Tell him how sorry you are and that it was the first time you ever stole something, but make sure you cry. It got me off the hook once. |
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ME: |
I don’t think I can force myself to cry. I’m not really that upset. I don’t think the shock’s worn off. I’m more worried about Mom. |
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SUE: |
Who knows? Maybe she won’t have to find out. |
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ME: |
God, I hope not. Hey, where’s Louie and Grandma? Grandma doesn’t know about this, does she? |
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SUE: |
No, I sort of told Lou what was going on so he’s just taking Grandma around shopping. |
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ME: |
Isn’t she wondering where we are? |
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SUE: |
I told him to tell her we would meet them in an hour. |
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ME: |
How am I ever going to face her? Mom and Dad might possibly understand or at least get over it, but Grandma? This is gonna kill her. |
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SUE: |
Don’t worry about that right now. Here comes the detective. Now try to look like you’re sorry. Try to cry. |
Brandt wrote this dialogue quickly, trying to capture the language of excited talk, keeping the exchanges brief. She included a version of this dialogue in her first draft (see pp. 54–55) but excluded it from the final essay. Even though she eventually decided to leave it out, this dialogue helped her work out her thoughts about the event and enabled her to evaluate how to dramatize it.
Recalling Remembered Feelings and Thoughts
In an attempt to bring the autobiographical significance of the event into focus, Brandt explored her remembered as well as her current feelings and thoughts about the experience:
Being arrested for shoplifting was significant because it changed some of my basic attitudes. Since that night I’ve never again considered stealing anything. This event would reveal how my attitude toward the law and other people has changed from disrespectful to very respectful.
Reading this statement might lead us to expect a moralistic story of how someone learned something the hard way. As we look at the subsequent invention activities, however, we see how her focus shifts to her relations with other people.
I was scared, humiliated, and confused. I was terrified when I realized what was happening. I can still see the manager and his badge and remember what I felt when I knew who he was. I just couldn’t believe it. I didn’t want to run. I felt there wasn’t anything I could do—I was afraid, embarrassed, worried, mad that it happened. I didn’t show my feelings at all. I tried to look very calm on the outside, but inside I was extremely nervous. The nervousness might have come through in my voice a little. I wanted the people around me to think I was tough and that I could handle the situation. I was really disappointed with myself. Getting arrested made me realize how wrong my actions were. I felt very ashamed. Afterward I had to talk to my father about it. I didn’t say much of anything except that I was wrong and I was sorry. The immediate consequence was being taken to jail and then later having to call my parents and tell them what happened. I hated to call my parents. That was the hardest part. I remember how much I dreaded that. My mom was really hurt.
Naming specific feelings, Brandt focuses here on the difference between what she felt and how she acted. She remembers her humiliation at being arrested as well as the terrible moment when she had to tell her parents. As we will see, this concern with her parents’ reaction, more than her own humiliation, becomes the focus of her remembered feelings and thoughts.
Exploring Her Present Perspective
In exploring her first response to the event, Brandt wrote quickly, jotting down memories as they came to mind. Next, she reread this first exploration and attempted to state briefly what the incident revealed about her:
I think it reveals that I was not a hard-core criminal. I was trying to live up to Robin Files’s (supposedly my best girlfriend) expectations, even though I actually knew that what I was doing was wrong.
Stopping to focus her thoughts like this helped Brandt see the point of what she had just written and discover the autobiographical significance of the event. Next, she wrote about her present perspective on the event.
At first I was ashamed to tell anyone that I had been arrested. It was as ifI couldn’t admit it myself. Now I’m glad it happened, because who knows where I’d be now if I hadn’t been caught. I still don’t tell many people about it. Never before haveI written about it. I think my response was appropriate. If I’d broken down and cried, it wouldn’t have helped me any, so it’s better that I reacted calmly. My actions and responses show that I was trying to be tough. I thought that that was the way to gain respectability. If I were to get arrested now (of course it wouldn’t be for shoplifting),I think I’d react the same way because it doesn’t do any good to get emotional. My current feelings are ones of appreciation. I feel lucky because I was set straight early. NowI can look back on it and laugh, but at the same time know how serious it was. I am emotionally distant now because I can view the event objectively rather than subjectively. My feelings are settled now. I don’t get upset thinking about it. I don’t feel angry at the manager or the police. I think I was more upset about my parents than about what was happening to me. After the first part of it was over I mainly worried about what my parents would think.
In writing about her present perspective, Brandt reassures herself that she feels comfortable enough to write for class about this event: She no longer feels humiliated, embarrassed, or angry. She is obviously pleased to recall that she did not lose control and show her true feelings. Staying calm, not getting emotional, looking tough—these are the personal qualities Brandt wants others to see in her. Exploring her present perspective seems to have led to a new, respectable self-image she can proudly display to her readers:
My present perspective shows that I’m a reasonable person. I can admit when I’m wrong and accept the punishment that is due me. I find that I can be concerned about others even when I’m in trouble.
Clarifying Purpose and Audience
Next, Brandt reflected on what she had written and restated the event’s significance, with particular emphasis on her readers’ likely reactions:
The event was important because it entirely changed one aspect of my character.I will be disclosing that I was once a thief, and I think many of my readers will be able to identify with my story, even though they won’t admit it.
This writing reveals that Brandt is now confident that she has chosen an event with personal significance. She knows what she will be disclosing about herself and feels comfortable doing it. In her brief focusing statements, she begins by moralizing (“my attitude . . . changed”) and blaming others (“Robin Files”) but concludes by acknowledging what she did. She is now prepared to disclose it to readers (“I was once a thief”). Also, she thinks readers will like her story because she suspects many of them will recall doing something illegal and feeling guilty about it, even if they never got caught.