Patrick O’Malley’s Revision Process

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A WRITER AT WORK

This section focuses on student writer Patrick O’Malley’s successful efforts to strengthen his argument for the solution he proposes in his essay, “More Testing, More Learning.” Compare the following three paragraphs from his draft with paragraphs 4–7 of his final essay on pp. 304–10. As you read, take notes on the differences you observe.

The predominant reason students perform better with multiple exams is that they improve their study habits. Greater regularity in test taking means greater regularity in studying for tests. Students prone to cramming will be forced to open their textbooks more often, keeping them away from long, “kamikaze” nights of studying. Regularity prepares them for the “real world” where you rarely take on large tasks at long intervals. Several tests also improve study habits by reducing procrastination. An article about procrastination from the Journal of Counseling Psychology reports that “students view exams as difficult, important, and anxiety provoking.” These symptoms of anxiety leading to procrastination could be solved if individual test importance was lessened, reducing the stress associated with the perceived burden.

With multiple exams, this anxiety decrease will free students to perform better. Several, less important tests may appear as less of an obstacle, allowing the students to worry less, leaving them free to concentrate on their work without any emotional hindrances. It is proven that “the performance of test-anxious subjects varies inversely with evaluation stress.” It would also be to the psychological benefit of students if they were not subjected to the emotional ups and downs of large exams where they are virtually worry-free one moment and ready to check into the psychiatric ward the next.

Lastly, with multiple exams, students can learn how to perform better on future tests in the class. Regular testing allows them to “practice” the information they learned, thereby improving future test scores. In just two exams, they are not able to learn the instructor’s personal examination style, and are not given the chance to adapt their study habits to it. The American Psychologist concludes: “It is possible to influence teaching and learning by changing the type of tests.”

One difference you may have noted between O’Malley’s draft and revised paragraphs is the sequence of reasons he offers.

Draft	Revision
Improve study habits Decrease anxiety and improve performance Perform better on future tests	Learn more Perform better on tests Improve study habits Decrease anxiety

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O’Malley made learning more his first reason after a classmate commented that professors (the target audience) would probably be more convinced by students’ learning than by their improving their study habits or decreasing their anxiety. Here are some other improvements you may have noticed:

O’Malley’s revised paragraphs are better focused. For example, in the first draft paragraph, O’Malley switches from study habits to procrastination to anxiety. The revised paragraph (par. 6), by contrast, focuses on study habits. Also, reduced anxiety as a result of less procrastination is discussed in a single paragraph in the revision (par. 7), whereas in the draft it is mixed in with intellectual benefits in the first two paragraphs.
O’Malley’s language is more precise. For example, he changes “predominant reason” to “main reason” and “future tests” to “major exams, projects, and papers.”
O’Malley’s supporting evidence is more relevant. For example, in the first draft paragraph, O’Malley includes a quotation that adds nothing, whereas in the revised paragraph (par. 6) the quotation he uses from the Harvard report provides convincing support for his claims and offers an effective conclusion to the paragraph.

Can you find other examples of better focus, more precise language, or relevant support? Did you notice any other improvements?