Student Writing: Early draft (Emily Lesk)

Emily Lesk created this draft, "All-Powerful Coke," in response to an assignment for her composition class asking her to "explore the ways in which one or more media have affected an aspect of American identity." Read the draft as if you were a peer reviewer, and think about how you would advise her to revise her work.

  1. Copy and paste into the box below the two paragraphs or sections of the draft that seem strongest to you.

    Question

    k+V5p+tRVhC6ZQpJ580/ahyJNPw=
    Copy and paste into the box below the two paragraphs or sections of the draft that seem strongest to you.
  2. What would you tell the writer of this draft you liked most about these sections? Why?

    Question

    k+V5p+tRVhC6ZQpJ580/ahyJNPw=
    What would you tell the writer of this draft you liked most about these sections? Why?
  3. What one thing would you suggest that the writer change to improve the draft before submitting it? Why do you recommend this change?

    Question

    k+V5p+tRVhC6ZQpJ580/ahyJNPw=
    What one thing would you suggest that the writer change to improve the draft before submitting it? Why do you recommend this change?
  4. Two peer reviewers of this draft offered these comments on her first sentence:

    [Reviewer 1] The opening sentence is a good attention-getter.

    [Reviewer 2] This sentence seems too abrupt.

    What would you recommend that Emily Lesk do in response to these comments?

    Question

    k+V5p+tRVhC6ZQpJ580/ahyJNPw=
    Two peer reviewers of this draft offered these comments on her first sentence: [Reviewer 1] The opening sentence is a good attention-getter. [Reviewer 2] This sentence seems too abrupt. What would you recommend that Emily Lesk do in response to these comments?