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Because death is a part of life, at some point you will inevitably lose a beloved family member or friend. You may be asked to deliver a eulogy about the person at a memorial service after his or her passing. As noted earlier, your purpose during this type of speech is to review and celebrate the life of your loved one and to console your listeners while helping them grieve publicly. It may seem that the two goals (consoling and facilitating grief ) are in conflict, but consolation actually supports grieving—primarily because you can express these strong emotions as you encourage your audience to feel the same. Witnessing a eulogist publicly expressing grief gives the audience license to do so as well.

Delivering an effective eulogy is about helping the living by showing your own emotion as well as extolling the departed loved one’s virtues and achievements. The following tips can help you provide this assistance when giving this kind of speech.

Focus on Celebrating the Person’s Life. Each person’s life has both high and low points, good experiences and bad. Instead of focusing on negative memories in your eulogy, highlight the departed loved one’s accomplishments, important relationships, and unique qualities, citing examples and stories familiar to your listeners. You’ll establish common ground with your audience members and help them collectively celebrate the best of the person they’ve lost.

Use Humor Judiciously. At most memorial services, several people will stand up and say something about the deceased. If each of a series of speakers focuses unrelentingly on the profound sorrow of the occasion, the collective heaviness may become too much for the audience to bear. For this reason, consider providing a humorous (but appropriate) anecdote about the deceased at some point during your remarks to relieve the tension. Listeners may feel profound relief when they can laugh through their tears.

Don’t Be Afraid to Show Your Emotions. The best way to give the audience permission to grieve openly during a memorial service is to show your emotions. A display of feeling can set loose a flood of feelings in your listeners, which can provide a healthy emotional release.