Each word in your essay contributes to your essay’s meaning. Consequently, when you are revising, be sure to analyze your word choice, or diction. The words you choose should suit your purpose, audience, tone, and genre. This section describes four aspects of word choice to consider as you evaluate and revise your essay.

Imagine that as a technician at a computer software company, you discover a time-saving shortcut for installing the company’s best-selling software program. Your supervisor asks you to describe your discovery and how it works for two audiences — your fellow technicians at the company and customers who might purchase the program. Would you say the same thing in the same way? Definitely not. Your writing would differ not only in content but also in tone and level of diction. The writing addressed to the other technicians would be technical and concise, explaining how to use the shortcut and why it works. The writing directed to customers would praise the discovery, mention the time customers will save, and explain in nontechnical terms how to use the shortcut.

Tone refers to how you sound to your readers. Your word choice should be consistent with your tone. When writing to the technicians, you would use a direct, matter-of-fact tone. When writing to the customers, your tone would be enthusiastic. (For more about tone, see Analyze the Author's Tone.)

There are three common levels of diction: formal, popular, and informal.

Formal diction The formal level of diction is serious and dignified. Think of it as the kind of language that judges use in interpreting laws, presidents employ when greeting foreign dignitaries, or speakers choose for commencement addresses. Formal diction is often written in the third person, tends to include long sentences and multisyllabic words, and contains no slang or contractions. It has a slow, rhythmic flow and an authoritative, distant, and impersonal tone. Here is an example taken from The Federalist, No. 51, a political tract written by James Madison in 1788 to explain constitutional theory:

It is of great importance in a republic, not only to guard the society against the oppression of its rulers, but to guard one part of the society against the injustice of the other part. Different interests necessarily exist in different classes of citizens. If a majority be united by a common interest, the rights of the minority will be insecure.

Formal diction is also used in scholarly publications, operation manuals, and most academic fields. Notice in the following excerpt from a chemistry textbook that the language is concise, exact, and marked by specialized terms, called jargon, used within the particular field of study. The examples of jargon are in italics.

A catalyst is classified as homogeneous if it is present in the same phase as that of the reactants. For reactants that are gases, a homogeneous catalyst is also a gas.

Atkins and Perkins, Chemistry: Molecules, Matter, and Change

Popular diction Popular, or casual, diction is common in magazines and newspapers. It sounds more conversational and personal than formal diction. In popular diction, sentences tend to be shorter and less varied than in formal diction. The first person (I, me, mine, we) or second person (you, your) may be used. Consider this example taken from a popular arts magazine, Paste Magazine.

“Concert for George” pays tribute to not only one of the greatest musicians in history, but one of the freakin’ Beatles. The performance took place in honor of the first anniversary of George Harrison’s death, with Eric Clapton and Jeff Lynne serving as musical directors.

Wyndham Wyeth, “The 11 Best Concert Films”

Informal diction Informal diction, also known as colloquial language, is the language of everyday speech and conversation. It is friendly and casual. Contractions (wasn’t, I’ll), slang expressions (selfie, YOLO, tat), sentence fragments, and first-person and second-person pronouns are all common. Informal diction should not be used in essays and academic writing, except when it is part of a quotation or a block of dialogue. Also inappropriate for essays and academic writing is the use of language shortcuts typically used in email and texting. These include abbreviations (u for you, r for are) and emoticons ().

Here is an example of informal diction. Notice the use of the first person, slang expressions, and a loose sentence structure.

This guy in my history class is a psycho. He doesn’t let anybody talk but him. I mean, this guy interrupts all the time. Never raises his hand. He drives us nuts — what a loser.

Diction in academic writing When you write academic papers, essays, and exams, you should use formal diction and avoid flowery or wordy language. Here are some guidelines.

One of the most common mistakes students make in academic writing is trying too hard to sound “academic.” Be sure to avoid writing stiff, overly formal sentences, using big words just for the sake of it, and expressing ideas indirectly.

INAPPROPRIATE DICTION

Who among us would be so bold as to venture to deny that inequities are rampant in our ailing health- and medical-care system? People of multiethnic composition overwhelmingly receive health care that is not only beneath the standard one would expect, but even in some cases threatening to their very lives. An abundance of research studies and clinical trials prove beyond a doubt that a person of non-European descent residing in the United States of America cannot rely on doctors, nurses, physician assistants, nurse practitioners, and other health-care workers to provide treatment free of invidious discrimination.

REVISED DICTION

Who can deny that inequities are common in our ailing medical care system? Racial and ethnic minorities receive health care that is substandard and in some cases life-threatening. Many research studies and clinical trials demonstrate that minorities in the United States cannot rely on doctors, nurses, physician assistants, nurse practitioners, and other health-care workers to provide unbiased treatment.

Many words have two levels of meaning — a denotative meaning and a connotative meaning. A word’s denotation is its precise dictionary definition. For example, the denotative meaning of the word mother is “female parent.” A word’s connotation is the collection of feelings and attitudes the word evokes — its emotional colorings or shades of meaning. A word’s connotation may vary from one person to another. One common connotation of mother is a warm, caring person. Some people, however, may think of a mother as someone with strong authoritarian control. Similarly, the phrase horror films may conjure up memories of scary but fun-filled evenings for some people and terrifying experiences for others.

Since the connotations of words can elicit a wide range of responses, be sure the words you choose convey only the meanings you intend. In each pair of words that follows, notice that the two words have a similar denotation but different connotations.

For more about analyzing connotative meanings, see Consider Denotation versus Connotation.

Specific words convey much more information than general words. The following examples show how you might move from general to specific word choices.

Concrete words add life and meaning to your writing. In each of the following sentence pairs, notice how the underlined words in the first sentence provide little information, whereas those in the second sentence provide interesting details.

Suppose you are writing about a shopping mall that has outlived its usefulness. Instead of saying “a number of stores were unoccupied, and those that were still in business were shabby,” you could describe the mall in concrete, specific terms that would enable your readers to visualize it:

The vacant storefronts with “For Rent” signs plastered across the glass, the half-empty racks in the stores that were still open, and the empty corridors suggested that the mall was soon to close.

A figure of speech is a word or phrase that makes sense imaginatively or creatively but not literally. For example, if you say “the movie was a roller coaster ride,” you do not mean the movie was an actual ride. Rather, you mean it was thrilling, just like a ride on a roller coaster. This figure of speech, like many others, compares two seemingly unlike objects or situations by finding one point of similarity.

Fresh and imaginative figures of speech can help you create vivid images for your readers. However, overused figures of speech can detract from your essay. Be sure to avoid clichés (trite or overused expressions) such as blind as a bat, green with envy, bite the bullet, or sick as a dog.

Three common figures of speech are simile, metaphor, and personification. A simile uses words such as like or as to make a direct comparison of two unlike things.

The child acts like a tiger.

The noise in a crowded high school cafeteria is as deafening as a caucus of crows.

A metaphor also compares unlike things but does not use like or as. Instead, the comparison is implied.

That child is a tiger.

If you’re born in America with black skin, you’re born in prison.

Malcolm X, “Interview”

Personification describes an idea or object by giving it human qualities.

A sailboat devours money.

In this example, the ability to eat is ascribed to an inanimate object, the sailboat. (For more on figures of speech, see Chapter 13.)

When you edit an essay, look for and eliminate overused figures of speech, replacing them with creative, fresh images. If you have not used any figures of speech, look for descriptions that could be improved by using a simile, a metaphor, or personification.

Use Figure 10.2 to help you evaluate your word choice. If you have difficulty identifying which words to revise, ask a classmate or friend to evaluate your essay by using the flowchart as a guide and marking any words that may need revision.