Here is an example summary of this reading selection:

In “His Marriage and Hers: Childhood Roots,” Daniel Goldman contrasts the communication styles that men and women develop in childhood. Part of the difference is learned. From five until their teens, children mainly socialize with those of their gender, which reinforces tendencies. Also, parents behave differently with daughters than they do with sons, showing daughters an array of emotions and describing for sons the causes and effects of emotions. Biological differences also contribute: Because boys develop language skills later than girls do, boys may be less able to use words to describe their emotions or to avoid conflicts, so they’re more likely to rely on fist fights, even into their teens, whereas girls use gossip and exclusion when feuding. Group values also differ: Girls value connection, boys individuality, and their play reflects this. Girls play in smaller groups and play more collaboratively, while boys play more aggressively and in larger groups. The result of all these differences is that as adults, women are more expressive and better able to assess the feelings of others, and they look for “good communication” in a mate. Men, in contrast, often don’t recognize the importance of talk to fostering a relationship, and since they are less skilled at reading others’ emotions, they may assume all is well when, in fact, the woman is dissatisfied. Since relationships often founder on couples’ inability to discuss conflicts, overcoming basic gender differences in communication styles is key to a successful marriage.

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