E3-e: Sample student essay
E3-eSample student essay
The following brief summary of a book chapter was written by HwaSoo Ryoo, a student in a composition class. The first version below shows Ryoo's initial draft with her instructor's comments. The second version is Ryoo's final draft.
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rough draft, with instructor’s comments
Identifying revision goals
After receiving her instructor’s feedback on her first draft, student writer HwaSoo Ryoo visited the writing center. She worked with a tutor, who helped her identify three manageable goals for revising her draft as well as sections in her handbook that Ryoo could consult as she revised.
revision goals
- Instead of copying the language of the authors, try to understand the meaning more and put more into my own words. (Paraphrasing)
- Identify all nouns in the draft and work with my instructor or a tutor to decide if articles are necessary. (Articles, types of nouns)
- Use transitions between paragraphs and between ideas. (Transitions, coherence)
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final draft
Marginal annotations indicate MLA-style formatting and effective writing.
