S6-c: Ineffective coordination
Coordinate structures are appropriate only when you intend to draw readers’ attention equally to two or more ideas: Professor Sakellarios praises loudly, and she criticizes softly. If one idea is more important than another—or if a coordinating conjunction does not clearly signal the relationship between the ideas—you should subordinate the less important idea.
| ineffective coordination | Closets were taxed as rooms, and most colonists stored their clothes in chests or clothespresses. |
| improved with subordination | Because closets were taxed as rooms, most colonists stored their clothes in chests or clothespresses. |
The revision subordinates the less important idea (closets were taxed as rooms) by putting it in a subordinate clause. Notice that the subordinating conjunction Because signals the relation between the ideas more clearly than the coordinating conjunction and.
Because it is so easy to string ideas together with and, writers often rely too heavily on coordination in their rough drafts. The cure for excessive coordination is simple: Look for opportunities to tuck minor ideas into subordinate clauses or phrases.
Three independent clauses were excessive. The least important idea has become a prepositional phrase.