Simplifying sentence structure

If the structure of a sentence is needlessly indirect, try simplifying it. Look for opportunities to strengthen the verb.

Example sentence with editing. Original sentence: The CEO claimed that because of volatile market conditions she could not make an estimate of the company’s future profits. Revised sentence: The CEO claimed that because of volatile market conditions she could not estimate the company’s future profits.

The verb estimate is more vigorous and more concise than make an estimate of.

Basic forms of be verbs (such as is, are, was, and were) frequently generate excess words.

Example sentence with editing. Original sentence: Eduartina is responsible for monitoring and balancing the budgets for travel and personnel. Revised sentence: Eduartina monitors and balances the budgets for travel and personnel. Explanation: The words “is responsible for monitoring and balancing” are replaced by “monitors and balances.”

The revision is more direct and concise. Actions orginally appearing in subordinate structures have become verbs replacing is.

Sometimes the empty verb is part of an expletive construction (such as there is, it was).

Example sentence with editing. Original sentence: There is another module that tells the story of Charles Darwin and introduces the theory of evolution. Revised sentence: Another module tells the story of Charles Darwin and introduces the theory of evolution.

Example sentence with editing. Original sentence: It is imperative that all police officers follow strict procedures when apprehending a suspect. Revised sentence: All police officers must follow strict procedures when apprehending a suspect.

Verbs in the passive voice may be needlessly indirect. When the active voice expresses your meaning as well, use it.

Exercises:

Wordy sentences 1

Wordy sentences 2

Wordy sentences 3

Wordy sentences 4