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Combining choppy sentences

Short sentences demand attention, so you should use them primarily for emphasis. Too many short sentences, one after the other, make for a choppy style.

If an idea is not important enough to deserve its own sentence, try combining it with a sentence close by. Put minor ideas in subordinate structures such as phrases or subordinate clauses.

Example sentence with editing. Original sentence: We minimize our use of insecticides. We are concerned about their effect on the environment. Revised sentence: We minimize our use of insecticides because are concerned about their effect on the environment.

A minor idea is now expressed in a subordinate clause beginning with because. Another effective alternative is to place the subordinate clause first.

Example sentence with editing. Original sentence: We minimize our use of insecticides. We are concerned about their effect on the environment. Revised sentence: Because we are concerned about their effect on the environment, we minimize our use of insecticides.

This revision ends emphatically with the independent clause.

Example sentence with editing. Original sentence: My sister owes much of her recovery to a bodybuilding program. She began the program three years ago. Revised sentence: My sister owes much of her recovery to a bodybuilding program that she began three years ago.

A minor idea is now expressed in an adjective clause beginning with that.

Example sentence with editing. Original sentence: Sister Consilio was enveloped in a black robe with only her face and hands visible. She was an imposing figure. Revised sentence: Enveloped in a black robe with only her face and hands visible, Sister Consilio was an imposing figure.

A minor idea is now expressed in a participial phrase beginning with Enveloped.

Multilingual: Repeated objects or adverbs

Exercises:

Identifying coordination

Identifying subordination

Identifying sentence emphasis 1

Identifying sentence emphasis 2

Combining choppy sentences

Using coordination and subordination 1

Using coordination and subordination 2

Using coordination and subordination 3