Example of global revisions

Draft with revisions: Global Revisions The title of the paper is Big Box Stores Aren’t So Bad. The text reads: In her essay Big Box Stores Are Bad for Main Street, Betsy Taylor shifts focus away from the economic effects of these stores to the effects these stores have on the "soul" of America. She claims that stores like Home Depot and Target are bad for America, they draw people out of downtown shopping districts and cause them to focus on consumption. She believes that small businesses are good for America because they provide personal attention, encourage community interaction, and make each city different from the other ones. But Taylor’s argument is not strong because it is based on nostalgic images rather than true assumptions about the roles that businesses play in consumers lives and communities. Taylor reveals that she has a nostalgic view of American society and does not understand economic realities. She focuses on idealized shoppers and shopkeepers interacting on Main Street rather than the economic realities of the situation. As a result, she incorrectly assumes that simply getting rid of big box stores would have a positive effect on us. For example, in her first paragraph she refers to a big box store as a "25-acre slab of concrete with a 100,000 square foot box of stuff" that lands in a town, evoking images of something strong and powerful conquering something small and weak. But she oversimplifies a complex issue. Annotations include: 1. "Taylor reveals that she has a nostalgic view of American society and does not understand economic realities." Is circled, and an arrow indicates that it should be moved to the last paragraph. 2. "She focuses" is crossed out. "on idealized shoppers and shopkeepers interacting on Main Street" is circled, and an arrow indicates that it should be moved to before "rather than true assumptions...". 3. "rather than the economic realities of the situation" is crossed out. An annotation adds the text, "She ignores the complex economic relationship between large chain stores and the communities in which they exist." An arrow indicates that this should be moved to before the crossed out phrase "rather than the economic realities of the situation". The revised paper would read: In her essay Big Box Stores Are Bad for Main Street, Betsy Taylor shifts focus away from the economic effects of these stores to the effects these stores have on the "soul" of America. She claims that stores like Home Depot and Target are bad for America, they draw people out of downtown shopping districts and cause them to focus on consumption. She believes that small businesses are good for America because they provide personal attention, encourage community interaction, and make each city different from the other ones. But Taylor’s argument is not strong because it is based on nostalgic images on idealized shoppers and shopkeepers interacting on Main Street rather than true assumptions about the roles that businesses play in consumers lives and communities. She ignores the complex economic relationship between large chain stores and the communities in which they exist. As a result, she incorrectly assumes that simply getting rid of big box stores would have a positive effect on us. Taylor reveals that she has a nostalgic view of American society and does not understand economic realities. For example, in her first paragraph she refers to a big box store as a "25-acre slab of concrete with a 100,000 square foot box of stuff" that lands in a town, evoking images of something strong and powerful conquering something small and weak. But she oversimplifies a complex issue.

Go to related page: Global revision: Revising in cycles