Editing to simplify sentence structure

Mod-23

If the structure of a sentence is needlessly indirect, try simplifying it. Look for opportunities to strengthen the verb.

Click Submit after each text box to see possible revisions and to submit your answers to your instructor’s gradebook. You may review your answers by returning to this activity at any time. (An activity reports to the gradebook only if your instructor has assigned it.)

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The verb estimate is more vigorous and more concise than make an estimate of.

Basic forms of be verbs (such as is, are, was, and were) frequently generate excess words.

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The revision is more direct and concise. Actions originally appearing in subordinate structures have become verbs replacing is.

Sometimes the empty verb is part of an expletive construction (such as there is, it was).

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Verbs in the passive voice may be needlessly indirect. When the active voice expresses your meaning as well, use it.

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Rewrite the following sentences to be more direct. (You can retype in the box, or copy-and-paste and then edit.)

Question

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Possible revision: The committee approved a neighborhood regulation that would fine individuals for not shoveling their sidewalks within twenty-four hours of a snowfall of three inches or more.

Question

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Possible revision: Under civil forfeiture laws, if a person is suspected of criminal activity, a law officer can, during a traffic stop, seize a car, cash, or other possessions, even if that person is not charged with a crime.

Question

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Possible revision: Bat populations in the United States have been severely reduced by “white nose syndrome fungus” (Pseudogymnoascus destructans), which disrupts their hibernation and hydration cycles.

Question

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Possible revision: Investigating the causes of childhood obesity, researchers Owens and Dorty found that children generally choose for an afternoon snack something they have seen on TV, which tends to be sugary and highly processed.

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