Suggested Response to “One Site, Many Organizational Patterns”

Responses will vary, depending on which pages of the site students analyze. The example given in the exercise—the extended definition of whole-house audio/video—is organized around the classification pattern, which indicates the kinds of responses students should present.

Suggested Response to “Organizational Patterns in a Syllabus”

Responses will vary, depending on which syllabus the student selects, but most syllabi use some of the following patterns: chronology, general to specific, comparison and contrast, classification or partition, and cause and effect.

Suggested Response to “Organizational Patterns on the Subaru Website”

Responses will vary, but here are a few examples:

Suggested Response to “Revising Topic Sentences”

Although responses will vary, the following are sample revisions:

Owning a horse requires learning about animal behavior.

Owning a horse also requires a commitment of time.

Finally, owning a horse requires money.

Suggested Response to “Analyzing Titles”

Responses will vary. Included here are two effective titles and two less-effective ones. The following titles are effective because they contain precise key terms and define the subject and purpose of the document:

The next two titles are less effective:

In the first flawed title, readers do not have enough information to determine whether the document’s subject is ice that accumulates on rivers or some other topic such as music concerts during the winter of 2001–2002. In addition, the first title fails to indicate clearly the purpose of the document (for example, a summary, a recommendation, and so on). The second flawed title uses only general terms and fails to indicate the purpose of the document.

Suggested Response to “Developing Topic Sentences”

Responses will vary. Here are some sample responses:

Suggested Response to “Analyzing a Plain-Language Brochure”

Although responses will vary, students might point out that the guide would be easier to read and understand if the writers had included a table of contents. In addition, the guide would be improved if it included a discussion of transitional words and phrases.

Responses will vary for the second part of this exercise as well, depending on which samples students choose to evaluate. Some of the techniques the writers used to improve the “Failure to Provide Claim Information” letter, for example, were adding descriptive headings and lists, speaking directly to readers, using the active voice, and choosing an organizational pattern to meet readers’ needs.

Suggested Response to “Revising a Passage in a List Format”

Sample revision:

Scientists are now working on three new research areas related to improving the environment:

Note two things about this revision. First, the word “three” in the lead-in sentence serves as an advance organizer. Second, the bulleted items are parallel. The repetition of “Using” helps readers remember the logic of the bulleted items even after reading the substantive paragraphs. Other writers might choose other constructions for the bulleted items.

Suggested Response to “Adding Transitions”

Students might add the following transitions: However, Therefore, for instance, of course, therefore.

Suggested Response to “Making New Paragraph Breaks”

The second paragraph should begin with the question “How is the compact-disc technology applied to books?” The third paragraph should begin with the sentence “Compact discs offer several important advantages.”

Suggested Response to “Tracing the Effects of Active and Passive Voice”

The change from active voice to passive voice resulted in a longer memo with a less-personable tone. The passive-voice memo makes the president seem less interested in the situation. In contrast, the active-voice memo conveys a sense that the president and university personnel are actively involved in the investigation and are concerned about the outcome. The active-voice memo also emphasizes the “doer” of each action and, thus, seems to disclose as much information as possible. As a result, the active-voice memo is more persuasive and informative than the passive-voice version.

Suggested Response to “Analyzing A Plain English Handbook”

Responses will vary. Here is a sample response for page 11 of Chapter 4, “Knowing the Information You Need to Disclose”: This page uses lists, an appropriate sentence length, personal pronouns, clear topic sentences, and active voice. The concise paragraphs and bulleted questions are especially effective. Finally, the reference in the margin to additional information is useful. This page does not violate the guidelines presented in Chapter 6 or Part B of the Appendix of the textbook.

Suggested Response to “Revising Sentences”

Suggested Response to “Making a Passage Less Formal”

Suggested Response to “Organizing Information for Different Audiences”

Below is an outline for the general reader. This outline uses the more-important-to-less-important pattern of organization. General readers will likely want to know what shape memory alloys are and what they are used for before learning the details of more-technical topics such as phase changes. Although the topic of phase changes is important to audiences such as engineering students and researchers, it is less important to general readers, but probably still worthy of inclusion.

The outline for business majors would focus more on the business implications for shape memory alloys and might have first-level headings that discuss specific markets such as aerospace and medicine. Manufacturing process and associated costs might also be topics for first-level headings. By contrast, the outline for engineering majors would focus more on the science behind shape memory alloys and might have first-level headings that discuss detailed technical topics such as “Thermally Induced Transformation with Applied Mechanical Load” and “Pseudoelastic Behavior.”

Suggested Response to “Comparing and Contrasting Effectively”

The Chevrolet site uses an independent third-party research firm for vehicle comparisons. Categories of comparison include price, interior, exterior, safety, engine and mechanical, steering and suspension, dimensions, payload and towing, and warranty. These points of comparison seem standard for vehicles. However, the comparison site seems to favor Chevrolet, since it includes an icon emphasizing those points of comparison that favor the Chevy but does not do the same for those points that favor the other vehicle.

The Ford site also offers vehicle comparisons by the same independent third-party research firm. Although the categories are labeled and organized slightly differently, the points of comparison seem largely the same. The Ford comparison site also emphasizes the “Ford Advantage” with icons and a full report. The Ford site offers more details on each item. For example, the Ford comparison site describes the availability and costs of various types of radios. The Chevrolet site merely lists whether AM/FM radio is standard or optional. The details included on the Ford site are more useful because they allow readers to compare the “standard radio type” for each vehicle. However, such detailed comparisons may result in highlighting weaknesses as well as strengths. Overall, both companies effectively highlight the strengths of their products.

Suggested Response to “Organizing a Document”

1. Sample outline for faculty coordinators and sponsoring organizations:

Introduction

Basic Internship Information

University Policy Statement on Academic Internships and Rationale for Policy

Department Requirements for Internship Programs

The Role of the Faculty Coordinator

Getting Involved

Understanding Your Responsibilities

Placing Students in Internships

Helping To Prepare the Learning Agreement

Working with Your Interns

Pre-Internship Orientation

Ongoing Communication with Interns and Agency Supervisors

Site Visits

Evaluating Your Interns

Activity Log

Intern Self-Evaluation

Agency-Supervisor Evaluation

Portfolio

Legal Issues

Student Release Form

Insurance

The Role of the Agency Supervisor

Getting Involved

Understanding Your Responsibilities

Evaluating Potential Interns

Helping To Prepare the Learning Agreement

Working with Your Interns

Intern Responsibilities

Ongoing Communication with Interns and Faculty Coordinator

Site Visits by Faculty Coordinator

Evaluating Your Interns

Activity Log

Intern Self-Evaluation

Agency-Supervisor Evaluation

Portfolio

Legal Issues

Student Release Form

Insurance

Concluding Thoughts

Appendixes

Sample Learning Agreements

Sample Activity Logs

Sample Intern Self-Evaluation Forms

Sample Agency-Supervisor Evaluation Forms

Index

Sample outline for student interns:

Introduction

Basic Internship Information

University Policy Statement on Academic Internships and Rationale for Policy

Department Requirements for Internship Programs

Overview of the Internship Process

Your Responsibilities

Faculty Coordinator’s Responsibilities

Agency Supervisor’s Responsibilities

Legal Issues

Student Release Form

Insurance

Step 1. Locate a Suitable Internship

Meeting with Faculty Coordinator

Finding an Internship

Interviewing for the Internship

Step 2. Submit Necessary Paperwork

Attending Pre-Internship Orientation

Completing the Internship Application

Writing a Learning Agreement

Completing Student Release Form

Step 3. Complete Your Internship

Maintaining Ongoing Communication with Faculty Coordinator and Agency Supervisor

Keeping an Activity Log

Collecting Samples of Your Work

Reflecting on Your Experience

Step 4. Submit End-of-Semester Paperwork

Activity Log

Intern Self-Evaluation

Agency-Supervisor Evaluation

Portfolio

Concluding Thoughts

Appendixes

Sample Learning Agreements

Sample Activity Logs

Sample Intern Self-Evaluation Forms

Sample Agency-Supervisor Evaluation Forms

Index

2. Sample memo to accompany revised outlines:

TO: Georgia McCallum, Internship Director

FROM: [your name], Member, Internship Working Group

DATE: October 4, 2016

SUBJECT: Feedback on Organization of Internship Handbook Draft

This memo explains my revision of your outline for an internship handbook for faculty coordinators and agency supervisors, as well as my approach for organizing a student-focused version of this handbook. First, I describe my revisions to your original outline, and then I discuss my outline for a student handbook. Finally, I ask for your feedback on my approach. Attached are copies of the outlines.

Outline for Faculty Coordinators and Agency Supervisors

When revising your outline, I focused on dividing information into two sections, each addressing a primary audience for the handbook. I also tried to make both of the major sections parallel in terms of topics but addressed to the specific audience. For example, faculty coordinators will read about placing students in internships, and agency supervisors will read about evaluating potential interns. Both will read about their responsibilities and working with interns. Consequently, each topic is covered from the perspective of the faculty coordinator and the agency supervisor. Based on the employer responses to our survey, I made sure to include communication as a topic in both sections. I retained your basic internship information section at the start of the handbook as well as your concluding thoughts. Finally, I added appendixes showing examples of the types of documents used for internships.

Outline for Student Interns

When outlining the student-focused internship handbook, I concentrated on presenting information necessary for students to complete an internship. I organized information into four steps: locate a suitable internship, submit necessary paperwork, complete your internship, and submit end-of-the-semester paperwork. I think presenting information as a procedure will help students successfully complete the internship process. I added an overview section before the steps to help students better understand the steps that follow. Finally, I retained from the other handbook the introduction, basic internship information, concluding thoughts, and appendix components. However, we will need to revise these sections slightly to address the needs of students.

Action Items

I would appreciate feedback from you and the other members of the Internship Working Group. If you prefer, you can wait to give me feedback until we meet next month. If you’d like to talk about my ideas before then, let me know. I can best be reached by email at your_name@college.edu.

Attachments: Revised Outline for Faculty Coordinators and Agency Supervisors

Outline for Student Interns

Suggested Response to “Barbecuing Those Ribs”

The instructions feature effective supporting information and paragraphs of reasonable length. The coherence could be improved by the following:

The instructions for making pork ribs are sufficiently detailed and begin with a clear description of what they will enable readers to do. The instructions are minimally chunked into sections such as “Now, it’s time to cook,” “Getting closer,” and “Judging time.” However, the following techniques would improve the instructions:

Suggested Response to “Writing Guidelines About Coherence”

1. Sample guidelines:

Guidelines for Writing Coherent Reports

The following six guidelines describe how to improve the coherence of an AHRQ report by focusing on titles, headings, and paragraphs.

TITLES

Guideline: Clearly identify the subject and purpose of the report.

Flawed Title: AHRQ Focus on Research

This title is flawed because it does not effectively narrow the topic of research.

Effective Title: AHRQ Focus on Research: HIV Disease

This title is more effective because it identifies the focus of the fact sheet.

Guideline: Include key terms.

Flawed Title: AHRQ Focus on Research

This title is flawed because it does not include important key terms such as health problems, chronic conditions, and women.

Effective Title: AHRQ Focus on Research: Women’s Health Problems and Chronic Conditions

This title is more effective because it includes key terms.

HEADINGS

Guideline: Use a clear, informative heading to announce the subject and purpose of the discussion that follows it.

Flawed Heading: Initiatives

This heading is flawed because it uses a general term when a more precise term would be more useful to readers.

Effective Heading: Current HIV Projects Funded by AHRQ

This heading helps readers quickly locate information they need.

Guideline: Avoid back-to-back headings.

Flawed Headings:

Impact

Heart Disease

This pair of headings is flawed because “Impact” is followed directly with another heading.

Effective Headings:

Impact of AHRQ-Funded Research

Findings from AHRQ-funded research are brought to the attention of policymakers, health-care providers, and consumers who can make a difference in the quality of the health care that women receive. AHRQ serves as a catalyst for change by promoting the results of research findings and incorporating those findings into improvements in the delivery and financing of health care. In the following discussion, we report the impact that AHRQ-funded research has had on our understanding of and treatment for heart disease, breast cancer, and hysterectomies.

Heart Disease

This pair of headings is more effective because it uses advance organizers to separate the two headings.

PARAGRAPHS

Guideline: Use lists for information that can be itemized or expressed in a sequence.

Paragraph Format:

Clinical preventive services are the focus of the U.S. Preventive Services Task Force (USPSTF), an independent panel of experts in primary care and prevention whose work is supported by AHRQ. They are updating its recommendations for preventive interventions on many conditions affecting women. For example, the USPSTF recently recommended screening mammography, with or without clinical breast examination, every 1 to 2 years for women ages 40 or older. Second, heart disease is the subject of an unprecedented long-term public-private sector collaboration to clarify which diagnostic and therapeutic interventions are most effective for women, as well as evaluate strategies to improve outcomes for older women. Finally, domestic violence is the second leading cause of death among women of childbearing age. A new 5-year effort supported by AHRQ will assess and compare health care intervention models for screening and treatment of domestic violence victims.

List Format:

Currently, there are three AHRQ initiatives focusing on women’s health care:

Turning the paragraph into a list adds a visual dimension to the text, making it easier for readers to understand the discussion.

Guideline: Put the point—the topic sentence—at the start of the paragraph.

Flawed Topic Sentence:

About 40,000 Americans were infected with HIV in 2000. Despite progress in treating HIV disease, the costs are high—$18,300 per year for each patient—and disparities in mortality and care of HIV patients remain:

This topic sentence is flawed because it does not contain the main idea of the paragraph (disparities in mortality and care), although it leads into it effectively.

Effective Topic Sentence:

As the first major research effort to collect information on a nationally representative sample of HIV patients, HCSUS examined many aspects of care and quality of life for HIV patients. These aspects include access to and costs of care, use of services, unmet needs for medical and nonmedical services, social support, satisfaction with medical care, and knowledge of HIV therapies. The following two findings from HCSUS have informed the health-care system:

This topic sentence effectively forecasts the main topic of the paragraph.

2. Sample revision:

AHRQ Focus on Research: Health Care for Women

Scope of the Problem

In 1900, the leading causes of death among U.S. women included infectious diseases and complications of pregnancy and childbirth. Today, women face other health problems and chronic conditions:

Background

The Agency for Healthcare Research and Quality (AHRQ) supports research on all aspects of women’s health care, including quality, access, cost, and outcomes. A priority is given to studies designed to do the following:

Impact of AHRQ-Funded Research

Findings from AHRQ-funded research are brought to the attention of policymakers, health-care providers, and consumers who can make a difference in the quality of health care women receive. AHRQ serves as a catalyst for change by promoting the results of research findings and incorporating those findings into improvements in the delivery and financing of health care. In the following discussion, we report the impact that AHRQ-funded research has had on our understanding of and treatment for heart disease and breast cancer, as well as our understanding of hysterectomies.

Heart Disease

Breast Cancer

Hysterectomy

AHRQ-Sponsored Initiatives on Women’s Health

Currently, there are three AHRQ research projects aimed at improving health care for women:

Suggested Response to “Studying Sentence Effectiveness”

The following comments are for Section 2.5 of the FEMA guide.

The writer’s sentence style is appropriate for the general reader. For example, the writer often places new and important information at the end of the sentences. The writer also uses relatively concise sentences. The length of many of the longer sentences is justified because they list supporting details. Consider, for example, the following sentence on page 2-13: “A participating community adopts and enforces a floodplain management ordinance, regulation, or provisions of the building code to regulate development within that floodplain, including new construction, Substantial Improvement of existing buildings, and repair of Substantially Damaged buildings.” Although 37 words long, this sentence is not overly demanding and provides supporting details on how a floodplain management ordinance is used to control development within a floodplain.

The writer’s sentence style is effective in other ways as well. The writer consistently expresses parallel elements in parallel structures. The writer uses active voice effectively, using phrases such as “FEMA conducts floodplain studies” and “Congress created the NFIP.” Although the writer uses several acronyms (FEMA, NFIP, SFHA, FIS, and FIRM), they do not come across as unnecessary jargon. Instead, the acronyms substantially reduce the length of the sentences, and the writer defines each one when it is first used.

The writer effectively uses a list on pages 2-12 and 2-13 to emphasize the role of NFIP. The list is created by indenting the items, setting off each item with a bullet, keeping the list to a reasonable length, using parallel structure, and punctuating the lead-in correctly.

Suggested Response to “Revising a Draft for Sentence Effectiveness”

This draft was written by a novice writer. It contains many errors of grammar, punctuation, and style, including comma splices, lack of number agreement, unnecessary expletives, lack of subject-verb agreement, faulty parallelism, and meaningless modifiers. Perhaps the most-effective way to improve this draft would be to change the whole text from third person (“the student”) to second person (“you”). Doing so would untangle many of the awkward sentences and would help the writer relax. She uses numerous affected phrases (such as “owing to the fact that”) that result from trying too hard.