Abigail MarchandStudent Essay

The Family Dynamic

Abigail Marchand wrote this essay in response to a reading assigned in her composition class. She used MLA style to cite and list sources.

1

Children are resilient creatures, and often adults underestimate their vast emotional capabilities, their compassion, and their ability to find the good in everything. When babies are brought home from the hospital, they don’t care if their parents are same sex or not. They only want to feel safe, to be held, and most of all to be loved. It is unfortunate that we as a human race allow our own petty ideals to interfere with these simple needs.

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2

The notion that a child can thrive only in a “nuclear” family has long been dispelled. With the increase in the divorce rate and the number of children born to single mothers, many children are not raised in that traditional family. Thus, the idea of a child being raised by a same-sex couple really shouldn’t seem that foreign. According to a 2011 U.S. Census Bureau report, only about 1% of couples are of the same sex (1), but over 115,000 of their households include children (3). Anna Quindlen very directly sums up this situation: “Evan has two moms. This is no big thing.”

3

For a variety of reasons, many children today are growing up in a completely different environment than that of their grandparents of the 1950s and 1960s. However, as Quindlen says, “the linchpin of family has commonly been a loving commitment between two adults.” Even though a family might have two mothers or two fathers or even one single parent, what should matter is not the quantity of love a child receives but the quality of that love.

4

A child’s development will neither be hurt nor helped by a same-sex family. Frankly, the makeup of the family and specifically the absence of an opposite-sex partner have little impact on the day-to-day lives of most children. As two sociologists who reviewed past research studies on parenting concluded, “The gender of parents correlates in novel ways with parent-child relationships but has minor significance for children’s psychological adjustment and social success” (Biblarz and Stacey 3). Many same-sex households involve members of the opposite sex in some capacity, whether as friend, aunt, uncle, or cousin. In addition, as children from same-sex families attend schools, they encounter any number of people, both male and female. The argument that the child would interact only with one gender is ludicrous.

5

The advantages of a same-sex household would be similar to those of a standard father-and-mother household: Two people are there to help raise the children. Compared to a single mother raising a child alone, the same-sex household would benefit from having another person to shoulder some of the responsibilities. As a parent of four sons, I know the benefits of having a second person to help with transportation to various events, dinner preparation, or homework. Navigating the treacherous landscape of child rearing is far easier with an ally.

6

On a developmental level, a same-sex household would not affect the child’s ability to grow and become a productive member of society. Certainly most children can adapt to any situation, and in the case of same-sex relationships, a child usually is brought into the home as a baby, so that environment is all he or she would know. The absence of an opposite-sex parent would never come into question since most children don’t concern themselves with the gender of their family members. Instead, they view their caregivers as any other child would—as mommy or daddy.

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7

The only disadvantage to same-sex households rests with the concerned citizens bent on “explaining” to the children how their parental unit is somehow doing something wrong. These naysayers pose the greatest risk to the children because they cannot look beyond the surface of the same-sex partners to see that most of these households function better than many “normal” ones. In a recent collection of interviews, seventeen-year-old Chris echoes this sentiment: “The hardest part about having a gay dad is that no matter how okay you are with it, there’s always going to be someone who will dislike you because of it” (Snow 3). Garner’s interviews with grown-up children of gay parents also raise the same theme, “the personal impact of a public issue” (15).

8

In fact, most people are unlikely to recognize a child being raised in a same-sex household unless they specifically know the child’s parents. My son attends daycare with two brothers who have two mothers. I never would have known this if I hadn’t personally met both mothers. Their children are well-adjusted little boys who are fortunate to have two caring women in their lives.

9

The real focus should be on whether all of the child’s needs are met. It shouldn’t matter if those needs are met by a mother and father, two mothers, or two fathers. Children should feel loved and cared for above all else. Unfortunately, in the case of same-sex households, external pressures can potentially shatter a child’s well-being when “well-meaning” people attempt to interfere with something they know nothing about. It is amazing that people are more focused on the bedroom activities, activities that never enter a child’s consciousness anyway, than on the run-of-the-mill activities that most same-sex couples encounter in the rearing of a child. The only real disadvantage to these households lies solely with the closed minds of intolerance.

Works Cited

Biblarz, Timothy J., and Judith Stacey.“How Does the Gender of Parents Matter?” Journal of Marriage and Family, vol. 72, no. 1, Feb. 2010, pp. 3–22.

Garner, Abigail. Families Like Mine: Children of Gay Parents Tell It Like It Is. Harper Perennial, 2005.

Lofquist, Daphne.“Same-Sex Couple Households.” American Community Survey Briefs, no. 10-03, US Census Bureau, 2011, www.census.gov/prod/2011pubs/acsbr10-03.pdf.

Quindlen, Anna.“Evan’s Two Moms.” The New York Times, 5 Feb. 1992, www.nytimes.com/1992/02/05/opinion/public-private-evan-s-two-moms.html.

Snow, Judith E. How It Feels to Have a Gay or Lesbian Parent: A Book by Kids for Kids of All Ages. Routledge, 2004.

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