34

CHAPTER 2

35

Prenatal Development, Pregnancy, and Birth

It’s hard to explain, Kim told me. You are two people now. When you wake up, shop, or plan meals, this other person is always with you. You are always thinking, “What will be good for the baby? What will be best for the two of us?”

Feeling the first kick—like little feathers brushing inside me—was amazing. At first I felt like I could never explain this to my husband. But Jeff is wonderful. I think he gets it. So I feel lucky. I can’t imagine what this experience would be like if I was going through nine months completely alone.

Now that it’s the thirtieth week and my little girl can survive, there is another shift. I’m focused on the moment she will arrive: What will it be like to hold my baby? Will she be born healthy?

The downside is the fear that she will be born with some problem. Being an older mom, it took me two years to get pregnant. Now that I’ve gone through those exhausting procedures and they worked (hooray!), I’d never risk having an invasive genetic test. So, you eat right and never take a drink; but there are concerns. I worry about the stress I’ve been undergoing, since my mom died right before I conceived. And, of course, I worry about labor and delivery. Suppose I have some problem during birth, or my baby has a serious genetic disease?

Another downside is that, until recently, I still felt tired. Some days, I could barely make it to work. (Everything they told you about morning sickness only lasting through the first trimester is wrong—at least for me!)

But nothing equals the thrill of having my little girl inside—fantasizing about her future, watching her grow into a marvelous adult. I also adore what happens when I’m at the mall. People light up and grin, wish me good luck, or give me advice. It’s like the world is watching out for me, rooting for me, cherishing me.