CONSIDER THE DILEMMA

It was only a weekend trip, but Peyton’s leaving still bothered you. The two of you were inseparable since you started dating four weeks ago. Adding to your uneasiness was the thought of Peyton traveling to Las Vegas—aka “Sin City.” As you part ways at the airport, you wave your phone and say, “Don’t forget to stay in touch.” “Of course!” Peyton replies.

Shortly after Peyton’s scheduled arrival time, you send a text: “Did you make it in ok?” No response. After waiting 30 minutes, you send another text, “Hey, make it to Vegas?” An hour later, Peyton finally texts back, “yes, flt was on time. Training til 5. Call then.”

The day passes quickly as you run errands and study. When you finally notice the time, it’s after 7:00 p.m. and Peyton still hasn’t called. Since Las Vegas is in your same time zone, you’re certain the training is done by now. Around 8:30 p.m. you text Peyton, “Still training? What’s going on?” No response. When you try to call, Peyton’s voice mail greets you immediately. You don’t leave a message.

Just after midnight your phone rings. It’s Peyton. “I’m sorry I didn’t call earlier. We went to dinner and ended up walking the strip afterwards, and . . .” Angrily you interrupt, “Yeah, whatever. It’s not hard to text and let me know. Hope you’re having a good time. I’ll talk to you tomorrow,” and then hang up.

CONNECT THE RESEARCH

Romantic couples use mobile phones to stay in contact, coordinate their plans, and flirt with each other (Miller-Ott, Kelly, & Duran, 2012). When couples cannot be physically together, mobile phones provide ongoing availability for staying connected. But the ongoing availability comes at a price. Phones can be a way of checking up on your partner, and they can create unnecessary interruptions or cause hurt feelings when a text message does not get an immediate reply.

Couples experience tension when they lack clear rules about using mobile phones in their relationship (Miller-Ott et al., 2012; Duran, Kelly, & Rotaru, 2011). Rules are mutually understood agreements about the appropriate use of cell phones for communicating with each other. Romantic partners often argue about excessive phone calling and texting or the failure to answer phone calls or texts (Duran et al., 2011). Although they are not written, rules emerge when couples communicate their expectations and preferences about how to use cell phones in the relationship.

Negotiating rules is important to keeping couples happy about their ongoing availability and use of cell phones. One study found that romantic couples who mutually agreed that they would not fight through cell-phone conversations or texts reported high relationship satisfaction (Miller-Ott et al., 2012).

COMMUNICATE

Before making a communication choice, consider the facts of the situation and the research on rules for using mobile phones in romantic relationships. Also, reflect on what you’ve learned about synchronous and asynchronous communication (pp. 61–62), online disinhibition (pp. 71–72), flaming (p. 75), and mediated communication competence (pp. 76–79). Then answer these questions:

What factors could influence Peyton’s responses to your text messages? How might your self-esteem affect your view of the situation?

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Would you consider your text messages and phone call excessive? Were Peyton’s delayed responses disrespectful? If you had negotiated some rules for being in touch before Peyton left, what would be some reasonable expectations?

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What are you going to say to Peyton the next day?

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