People who engage in aggressive listening attend to what others say solely to find an opportunity to attack their conversational partners. (This is also known as ambushing.) For example, your friend may routinely ask for your opinions regarding fashion and music, but then disparage your tastes whenever you share them with her. Or a guest lecturer may encourage questions and comments following his presentation, but then mock your opinions when you volunteer them.

The costs of aggressive listening are substantial. People who consistently use listening to ambush others typically think less favorably of themselves (Infante & Wigley, 1986), experience lower marital satisfaction (Payne & Sabourin, 1990), and may experience more physical violence in their relationships (Infante, Chandler, & Rudd, 1989).

If you find yourself habitually listening in an aggressive fashion, you can combat it by discovering and dealing with the root cause of your aggression. Often, external pressures such as job stress, relationship challenges, or family problems can play a role, so be careful to consider all possible causes and solutions for your behavior. Don’t hesitate to seek professional assistance if you feel it would be helpful. If you’re in a personal or professional relationship with someone who uses aggressive listening against you (such as Matt LeBlanc in Episodes), limit your interactions when possible, be polite and respectful, and use a people-oriented listening style. Avoid retaliating by using aggressive listening yourself, because it will only escalate their aggression.