| SITUATION |  |  |
| A committee member argues against every suggestion for a fund-raiser. | Uses descriptive language (“I” language, fact-based statements)“I am sensing a lot of dissatisfaction with our ideas today. What’s up?” | Employs evaluative language (“you” language, judgmental statements)“You should quit being such a jerk.” |
| A study group member fails to complete the assigned chapter outlines. | Takes a problem-orientation approach (open-ended questions, collaboration)“We’ve noticed you haven’t completed the outlines. Is something wrong?” | Uses controlling messages (attempts to change or exercise power over the other person)“You need to do your work. If you don’t, you are out of the group.” |
| A team member wants feedback on sales presentation slides. | Forms cooperative messages (honest disclosure, relevancy)“They were good, but I find the amount of text on each slide to be overwhelming.” | Engages strategy (manipulation, dishonesty)“It’s great! Don’t change a thing before the presentation.” |
| A work colleague is complaining about another team member’s work habits. | Demonstrates empathy (active listening, responding with support)“I know you’re upset with Taylor; I’d be frustrated, too.” | Lacks concern (neutral viewpoint, apathy)“Look, Taylor’s just like that. Get used to it.” |
| A cousin is having trouble completing his portion of duties for a family gathering. | Conveys equality (mutual respect, open to feedback)“How are you feeling about your tasks? Would you like me to help out?” | Shows superiority (arrogance, closed to feedback)“Why do you have to be so helpless?” |
| A team disagrees about a meeting discussion topic. | Makes provisional assertions (open to alternatives, tentative statements)“I know things were pretty hectic at the end of the last meeting, but I thought we agreed to discuss Ella’s proposal tonight. What do you recall?” | Emphasizes certainty (rigid thinking, overgeneralizations)“I know what was said at the last meeting. We agreed that we would discuss Ella’s proposal tonight. This group is so forgetful!” |