As with other aspects of communication we’ve discussed, many people are stereotyping when they think that women and men have very different listening styles. Women are presumed to be people-oriented listeners; men, action-oriented listeners (or sometimes unable to listen at all!). But interestingly, this is one of those rare instances in which stereotypes contain a kernel of truth. Research comparing male and female preferences suggests that men show a small preference for action-oriented listening, while women show a strong preference for people-oriented listening (Bodie & Fitch-Hauser, 2010). Among individuals who use more than one style, men tend to favor action- and time-oriented styles; women favor people- and content-oriented styles.
These findings have led researchers to conclude that men (in general) tend to have a task-oriented and hurried approach to listening, while women perceive listening as more of a relational activity. Keep these differences in mind during interpersonal interactions, group discussions, and presentations. When interacting with men, observe the listening styles they display, and adapt accordingly. Don’t be surprised if time- or action-oriented styles emerge the most. When conversing with women, follow the same pattern, and be prepared to quickly shift to more people- or content-oriented styles if needed. On the other hand, don’t automatically assume that just because someone is female or male she or he will always listen—or expect you to listen—in certain ways. Instead, take your cue from the person you are talking with.