Using Language as Ritual

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When little Josie says “thank you” for her cookie, it’s a sign that she has learned the fifth functional competency: ritualizing. Ritualizing involves learning the rules for managing conversations and relationships. We begin learning these rules as children: peekaboo games require us to learn turn taking in conversations. When we learn to say “hi” or “bye-bye” or “please,” we internalize politeness rituals. Later, teasing, joke telling, and even gossiping may present early lessons on how to manage relationships.

In adulthood, ritualizing effectively means saying and doing the “right” thing at weddings, funerals, dinners, athletic events, and other social gatherings. Simple exchanges, like telling a bride and groom “congratulations” or offering condolences to a grieving friend, are some ways we ritualize language. However, our ritualizing is not always that formal, nor is it limited to big events.