Attitudes About Listening

Page 130

Few people spend much time analyzing their attitudes about listening. Yet sometimes our attitudes are precisely what cause us to struggle when communicating with others. Let’s examine three examples here.

Talking Seems More Powerful Than Listening. In many Western societies, people tend to think that talking is powerful, so not talking must be weak. Because we fail to value the power of listening, we tend to neglect it. Michael listens to his wife only to plan what he’s going to say next; he’s not interested in what his wife has to say, only in making her listen to him. Katrina thinks she already knows what others will say; when her sister is speaking to her, she nods quickly and says, “Yeah, yeah, I know.” Michael and Katrina would likely be better communicators and experience healthier relationships if they remembered that listening actually empowers us.

Many people assume that a key to listening well is simply to stop talking. But that’s easier said than done; you have to raise your awareness of your listening versus talking time. If a desire to dominate a conversation creeps up on you, remind yourself that through the act of listening you empower your communication partners to reveal their thoughts, insights, fears, values, and beliefs (Fletcher, 1999). Equally important, you free yourself to comprehend multiple concepts and make more connections between ideas (Dipper, Black, & Bryan, 2005). In the long run, you may even exert more influence in your relationships. As people feel more confident about your caring for them, they will give you more influence.

Overconfidence and Laziness. Randall walked into a status meeting certain that he knew everything that was going to be said. As he confidently sat through the meeting only half listening to his colleagues tossing ideas around, his boss began asking him questions that he was unprepared to answer. The root of Randall’s problem lies in overconfidence—he assumed that he didn’t need to pay attention because he thought he already knew everything. Overconfidence frequently leads to laziness—we use our high estimations of ourselves as an excuse not to prepare or plan for or pay attention during an encounter.

Listening Apprehension. Listening apprehension (also called receiver apprehension) is a state of uneasiness, anxiety, fear, or dread associated with a listening opportunity. Listening to your boss reprimand you about your job performance, listening to someone else’s personal problems, or listening to highly detailed or statistical information can trigger listening apprehension, which compromises your ability to concentrate on or remember what is said (Ayres, Wilcox, & Ayres, 1995).

Students with high listening anxiety have lower motivation to process information in the classroom, which can affect their overall academic performance (Schrodt, Wheeless, & Ptacek, 2000). Confident individuals usually understand information better than their less confident peers (Clark, 1989). So it is important to assess your ability to listen effectively and to spend time developing your listening confidence. What do you think about your own listening apprehension? You may have a better idea after you complete the self-assessment on page 132.