Reducing Uncertainty

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We begin to weigh the costs and rewards in the early stages of a relationship. Uncertainty creates excitement at the prospect of a new friendship to enjoy or romance to explore, but it’s also uncomfortable. That’s why we need to use a variety of techniques to get to know one another.

According to uncertainty reduction theory, when two people meet, their main focus is on decreasing the uncertainty about each other (Berger & Calabrese, 1975). The less sure you are of the person’s qualities, the way the person will behave, or what will happen, the higher the degree of uncertainty. Thus, reducing uncertainty increases your ability to predict that person’s behavior. As two people—college roommates, coworkers, romantic partners—reduce uncertainty between them, they uncover similarities, become better at predicting what the other will do or say, and thus develop more comfort.

In order to reduce uncertainty and increase the likelihood of a closer relationship, you must obtain information about your new relational partner. If you’re a fan of the Twilight series, you know that upon first noticing each other at school, Edward and Bella each used several strategies to find out more information about the other. Bella asked her classmates about Edward; she watched how he behaved and made observations about how he presented himself. Eventually, she questioned him directly. Edward, finding his ability to read minds useless on Bella, was forced to employ similar strategies. Unless you too can read minds, you’ve likely employed those same strategies yourself. Depending on the situation, three types of strategies may work well: passive strategies, active strategies, and interactive strategies.

Passive Strategies. Most college students who live on campus are faced with the prospect of sharing a small space with a complete stranger. When Shawna heard about her new roommate, Ramona, she entered her name and hometown into Google. She quickly found Ramona on Facebook and learned that she is a concert pianist and an avid knitter who sometimes sells her creations through Etsy.com (see Antheunis, Valkenburg, & Peter, 2010).

Shawna engaged in a passive uncertainty reduction strategy. Passive strategies involve observing others in communication situations without actually interacting with them. You may also analyze their interactions with others when you believe they are not under a lot of pressure to conform to social roles. Without Ramona knowing it, Shawna had already found out quite a bit about her. Social networking allows us to monitor others with relative ease, but we also use passive strategies whenever we observe others going about their day-to-day business.

Active Strategies. Active strategies let you obtain information about a person more directly, by seeking information from a third party. For example, Shawna may discover (via Facebook) that she and Ramona have one friend in common. In that case, Shawna might contact this individual to see how much she knows about Ramona. Does she party a lot? Is she neat or messy? Does she snore?

Active strategies can be particularly useful when the information you are seeking could be awkward to bring up in a new relationship. For example, Shawna might wonder if Ramona would be uncomfortable having significant others spend the night in their dorm room. Thus, she might chat with the mutual friend to get a sense of Ramona’s feelings in order to be prepared to discuss it when they arrive on campus.

Interactive Strategies. Sometimes you will need to find out important information about a relational partner via interactive strategies, or speaking directly with them rather than observing or asking others for information. When they “meet” for the first time (be it in person or virtually), Shawna might ask Ramona what kind of music she likes, what major she is pursuing, and why she chose this particular school. Although direct questioning reduces some uncertainty, it also entails risks. If you ask questions that are perceived as too forward or inappropriate (for example, “What are your religious beliefs?”), you might do more harm than good.