Relationship Repair

Page 162

A relationship in decline is not necessarily doomed to failure: partners may attempt to save or repair their relationship by changing their behavior, interactions, or expectations. If you have a strong commitment to someone else, particularly in a romantic relationship, you often perceive problems as less severe, so you are more likely to reduce conflict and potentially repair the relationship (Miczo, 2008). Repair tactics should include improving communication, focusing on the positive aspects of each partner and of the relationship itself, reinterpreting behaviors with a more balanced view, reevaluating the alternatives to the relationship, and enlisting the support of others to hold the relationship together (Brandau-Brown & Ragsdale, 2008; Duck, 1984).

In short, partners hoping to repair a relationship must focus on the benefits of their relationship rather than the source of a particular argument (see Table 7.3, p. 161; many tips for managing stable relationships also apply to repairing them). Relational partners should listen to each other, take into account each other’s perspective, and remind themselves about the attractive qualities that sparked the relationship in the first place (for example, how Talia can make Greg laugh and how Greg can make Talia feel at ease with her emotions). Partners may also try to increase their intimacy by offering more self-disclosures and spending quality time together (Blumstein & Schwartz, 1983). If a relationship is in serious decline, however, and seems beyond repair, the partners may need to seek professional help or outside support.