Incompatible Goals
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The engagement in and resolution of interpersonal conflict are often key factors in romantic comedies (like Life as We Know It and When Harry Met Sally), as well as in buddy-driven action films (such as Shanghai Noon and The Other Guys). Watch such a film, and pay attention to the way the principal characters engage in conflict with one another. How does their conflict management lead to relationship growth?
Since much communication is goal driven, conflicts are bound to arise when goals are perceived as incompatible (Canary, 2003). On one episode of Grey’s Anatomy, for example, the happy and committed relationship between Callie and Arizona is shattered by their different ideas about children: Callie realizes that she wants to settle down and start a family, but Arizona is certain that she never wants to have children. When couples differ on such serious life decisions, it can be extremely difficult to resolve the conflict. But even among relational partners who are in agreement on big life decisions, other goals are likely to come into conflict. For example, couples who are committed to having a family have conflicts about the timing, number, and rearing of children.