Chapter 92. Attraction

Learning Objectives

attractiveness
the appearance of a person’s face, body, and clothing style influences attraction, especially in the early stages of a relationship
proximity
geographical closeness, which promotes attraction by bringing people into frequent contact, increasing familiarity and liking
commitment
a willingness to engage deeply in a relationship, actively working to maintain it
self-disclosure
revealing important personal details about oneself to another person
companionate love
feelings of warmth, tenderness, trust, and deep attachment toward another person; typical in long-lasting romantic relationships
similarity
people are attracted to others who share similar characteristics, including interests, abilities, social status, attitudes and beliefs, and even physical appearance
intimacy
feelings of connectedness and emotional closeness to another person
theory
an explanation using an integrated set of principles that organizes and predicts observations
passionate love
total absorption in another person, accompanied by strong emotional arousal and sexual desire; typical in early stage of a romantic relationship
Attraction
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Learning Objectives:

Describe the factors that influence romantic attraction.

Contrast passionate love and companionate love as types of romantic love.

Review

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1. Even though there are more than seven billion humans on this planet, most adults claim only a few dozen friends—and only a handful of romances. What determines our attraction to these special people? The most basic factor is proximity. We tend to become friends with, and perhaps fall in love with, the people we meet regularly at work, at school, or in our neighborhood.

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2. Physical attractiveness (as defined within a particular culture) is also a factor, especially in the early stages of romantic relationships. However, long-lasting bonds between friends and lovers seem to depend more on the factor of similarity in interests, values, and attitudes toward important issues.

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Illustration for left panel: show several small silhouette images of young couples kissing Illustration for right panel: show one or more silhouette images of mature, older couples holding hands (could be seated, but not in wheelchairs or with any obviously ageist imagery)

3. This difference between an initial attraction and a long-term relationship also applies to theories about the nature of romantic love, including those by psychologists Elaine Hatfield and Robert Sternberg. For most couples, the early stage of a relationship is dominated by passionate love, accompanied by high emotional arousal. If the relationship endures over time, it generally shifts to companionate love, a calmer but still deeply satisfying bond.

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4. Some researchers claim that love has three components: passion, intimacy, and commitment. Passionate love combines passion and intimacy, while companionate love combines intimacy and commitment.

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5. Clearly, intimacy is important in both friendships and romantic relationships. Intimacy is fostered by self-disclosure, as people share very personal details about their experiences and their interests. Intimacy is also strengthened when friends or lovers provide emotional support (and physical support) in times of distress.

Practice 1: Factors That Influence Attraction

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Practice 1: Factors That Influence Attraction

Roll over each term to see how that factor helps determine which individuals we choose as friends or lovers.

proximity

similarity

physical attractiveness

Role played in attraction:

Shared environments (at work, school, or in the neighborhood) promote attraction by bringing people into frequent contact, increasing familiarity and liking.

Shared characteristics (personality, interests, or attitudes) promote attraction by increasing a sense of connection and comfort in each other’s presence.

Pleasant facial features and healthy body shape promote initial attraction.

Photo: Show multi-racial group of young adults in conversation
PeopleImages/Getty Images

Practice 2: Types of Romantic Love

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Practice 2: Types of Romantic Love

Roll over each image to see the components of that type of romantic love.

The figure has two images vertically on the screen. The first image is of two people kissing. Passionate love

The second image is two elderly people, one assisting the other one, who is walking with a cane. Companionate love

Passionate love: romantic attachment involving intense emotional and physiological arousal, along with strong sexual desire; a blend of passion and intimacy associated with the initial stage of a relationship

Companionate love: romantic attachment involving deep affection, tenderness, trust, and warmth; a blend of intimacy and commitment associated with enduring relationships

Quiz 1

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Quiz 1

Match the terms with their descriptions by dragging each colored circle to the appropriate gray circle. When all the circles have been placed, select the CHECK ANSWER button.

Select the NEXT button and move to Quiz 2.
Perhaps you should go back to review types of romantic love and factors that influence romantic attraction.
attractiveness
self-disclosure
passionate love
similarity
proximity
companionate love
intimacy
commitment
geographical closeness bringing people into frequent contact and increasing familiarity, liking, and attraction
attraction to others who share characteristics, including interests, abilities, attitudes, and appearance
the appearance of a person’s face and body influences attraction, especially in the early stages of a relationship
total absorption in another person, accompanied by strong emotional arousal and sexual desire; typical in early stage of a romantic relationship
feelings of connectedness and emotional closeness to another person
feelings of warmth, tenderness, trust, and deep attachment toward another person; typical in long-lasting romantic relationships
revealing important personal details to another person
a willingness to engage deeply in a relationship, actively working to maintain it

Quiz 2

dnd_test

Quiz 2

Match the terms with the romantic scenarios by dragging each term to the gray area by the appropriate scenario. When all the terms have been placed, select the CHECK ANSWER button.

Select the NEXT button and move to the Conclusion.
Perhaps you should go back to review the factors that influence romantic attraction.
similarity
attractiveness
proximity

Jillian was looking for a smart, ambitious husband. But, one day she was “swept off her feet” by the gorgeous mechanic who worked on her car. By the end of the week, they were spending every minute of free time together.

When Jamal first started his new job, he went to lunch with a wide range of coworkers, some of whom had very different attitudes and lifestyles. Over the next six months, he gradually developed a smaller group of good friends who shared his interests in music and sports.

Juan was lonely, and he spent a lot of time visiting online dating and “matchmaking” services. In the end he fell in love with, and married, the student he sat next to in his psychology class.

Conclusion

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