Marriage and Parenting During College

Is This You?

Are you a first-year college student who has children at home? Are you feeling stretched to the limit with competing responsibilities? Whether you are single or have a spouse or partner, being a parent while being a student is one of the most challenging situations any college student can face. Find other students who have children and develop an informal support group. You might be able to occasionally share transportation or child-care responsibilities or just give each other moral support. You may not believe it now, but you are functioning as an important role model for your children. They will learn from you that education is worth striving for, even in the face of many obstacles.

Can marriage, parenting, or other family responsibilities coexist with being a college student? The answer, of course, is yes, although linking all these identities—student, spouse, parent, child, grandchild—will not be easy. If you are married or in a long-term relationship, with or without children, you will need to become an expert at time management. If you come from a cultural background that values family relationships and responsibilities above everything else, you will also have to work to balance your home life and college. In some cultures, if your grandmother or aunt needs help, that might be considered just as important—or more important—than going to class or taking an exam.

Negotiating the demands of college and family can be difficult. However, most college instructors will be flexible with requirements if you have genuine problems with meeting a deadline because of family obligations. But it’s important that you explain your situation; don’t expect your instructors to be able to guess what you need. As the demands on your time increase, it is important that you talk with family members to help them understand your role and responsibilities as a student.

Occasionally, deciding to go to college can create conflict within a family. Partners and children can be threatened and intimidated if you take on a new identity and set of responsibilities. Financial pressures are likely to put an extra strain on your relationship, so both you and your partner will have to work hard at paying attention to each other’s needs. Be sure to involve your family members in your decision to go to college. Bring them to campus at every opportunity and let them read your papers and other assignments. Finally, it’s very important to carve out time for your partner and your family just as carefully as you schedule your work and your classes.

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It Takes an Armada Benjamin Smock, a veteran of the U.S. Navy, credits his wife, Katherine Bates, with helping create the right learning environment for him to graduate with high honors from Bunker Hill Community College in Boston. Ben is now enrolled at the University of Massachusetts Boston, where he plans to get a B.A. in music education.