In ending a relationship, some people want to come together for a final encounter that gives a sense of closure and resolution. During the terminating stage, couples might discuss the past, present, and future of the relationship. They often exchange summary statements about the past—comments on “how our relationship was” that are either accusations (“No one has ever treated me so badly!”) or laments (“I’ll never be able to find someone as perfect as you”). Verbal and nonverbal behaviors indicating a lack of intimacy are readily apparent—including physical distance between the two individuals and reluctance to make eye contact. The partners may also discuss the future status of their relationship. Some couples may agree to end all contact going forward. Others may choose to remain friends.

Many people find terminating a relationship painful or awkward. It’s hard to tell someone that you no longer want to be involved, and it is equally painful to hear it. Draw on your interpersonal communication skills to best negotiate your way through this dreaded moment. In particular, express empathy—offering empathic concern and perspective-taking (see Chapter 3). Realize that romantic breakups are a kind of death, and that it’s normal to experience grief, even when breaking up is the right thing to do. Consequently, offer supportive communication (“I know this is going to be painful for both of us”) and use grief management tactics (see Chapter 4). While termination conversations are never easy, your communication skills can help you minimize the pain and damage, enabling you and your former partner to move on.