Dealing with Family Dialectics

Within all families, tension exists between competing impulses, known as relational dialectics (see Chapter 10). Two dialectics are especially pronounced in families: autonomy versus connection and openness versus protection. As we mature, each of us must balance our desire for autonomy against the connection that we share with our families and the corresponding expectations and obligations regarding who we “should” be as family members. We also face frequent decisions regarding how openly we should communicate with other family members, as well as how much information about our families we should share with those outside the family unit. Balancing these tensions is challenging. However, you can strike a balance—by applying the techniques described below.