Through sharing activities, friends structure their schedules to enjoy hobbies, interests, and leisure activities together. But even more important than the actual sharing of activities is the perception that each friend is willing to make time for the other. Scholar William Rawlins notes that even friends who don’t spend much time together can still maintain a satisfying connection as long as each perceives the other as “being there” when needed (Rawlins, 1994).

Of course, most of us have several friends, but only finite amounts of time available to devote to each one. Consequently, we are often put in positions where we have to choose between time and activities shared with one friend versus another. Unfortunately, given the significance that sharing time and activities together plays in defining friendships, your decisions regarding with whom you invest your time will often be perceived by friends as communicating depth of loyalty (Baxter et al., 1997). In cases where you choose one friend over another, the friend not chosen may view your decision as disloyal. To avert this, draw on your interpersonal communication skills. Express gratitude for the friend’s offer, assure him or her that you very much value the relationship, and make concrete plans for getting together another time.