During every interpersonal encounter, people simultaneously exchange two types of information (Watzlawick et al., 1967). Content information is the actual meaning of your words. Relationship information consists of signals indicating how each of you views your relationship. These signals may indicate whether you consider yourself superior, equal, or inferior to the other person and whether you see the relationship as intimate, acquainted, or estranged.

You convey content information directly through spoken or written words, but you communicate relationship information primarily through nonverbal cues. These cues can include vocal tone, pitch, and volume; facial expression and eye contact; hand gestures; position in relation to the listener; and posture. For instance, suppose your housemate hasn’t been doing his fair share of kitchen cleanup. One evening, after he leaves his dirty dishes in the sink, you walk into the living room, sit down next to him, smile, and say in a friendly tone of voice, “Do you think you could rinse your dirty dishes off and put them in the dishwasher?” Now imagine the exact same situation—except this time you shout, scowl, and point your finger at him. In both scenarios, the content information is identical—you use exactly the same words—but you communicate very different relationship information. In the first scene, you indicate that you like and respect your housemate, and consider him an equal. In the second, you communicate anger and dislike, and imply that you see yourself as superior or more powerful.

Relationship information strongly influences how people interpret content information (Watzlawick et al., 1967). In the example above, your housemate will look much more to your actions than your words to decide how you feel about him and the relationship. During most interpersonal encounters, however, people aren’t consciously aware of the relationship information being delivered. You don’t usually sit there thinking, “Gee, what’s this person trying to convey to me about how she sees our relationship?” Relationship information becomes most obvious when it’s unexpected or when it suggests that the sender’s view of the relationship is different from the receiver’s. For example, a new acquaintance says something overly intimate to you, or a coworker starts ordering you around as if he’s your manager. When such events occur, we often experience annoyance or anxiety. That’s why it’s important to communicate relationship information in ways that are sensitive to and respectful of others’ impressions of the relationship, while staying true to your own relationship feelings.